On All Things Rare And Unique

I've always been a rarity.

When I was born my body didn't react the way that medical personnel expected. The doctors told my parents that statistically speaking my parents were more likely to win the lottery than have a child born with my blood disorder.  I've been told that my whole life and it is one of the ways that I have always felt unique, for better or for worse.  When I would be admitted to the hospital every doctor would say "I've never seen anyone like you."  And they didn't ever know what to do with me.  Medical students would ask to see me, because it was a once-in-a-career opportunity.  And it was fun to dazzle them with my "rareness".

I have also been blessed with the unique opportunity of looking different than anyone else.  That difference has been the start of many awkward and not-quite-as-awkward-but-still-a conversations and relationships.  I am one of the only people that I know who is stopped on a regular basis and asked "Why do you look the way you do?  Are you ok?" Usually these questions are asked out of concern or out of curiosity.  Rarely they are asked with malicious intent.  Regardless, they put me in the unique position to divulge more personal information to complete strangers than most people usually do.  I also get the unique opportunity to be told by friends and family exactly "how I am looking" today.  As in "You look good today, not as yellow as normal, are you feeling better than normal?" or "You don't look so good, you are looking extra yellow today, are you feeling sick?"  Again, these comments are said by well meaning people, but they have been a constant reminder to me about how "unique" I look and what little control I have over the way I look.  I think it is a fairly unique problem, you don't hear many people telling people in wheelchairs "You look like maybe you don't need your wheelchair today, are you feeling better?" or "You look like you need your wheelchair more today than normal, are you feeling sick?"

I have never wondered what to say when as part of an activity to introduce yourself is to say something unique about yourself.

I am also unique in my religious beliefs.  I am one of 14 million Mormons in the world today.  That may not sound very unique but it is only .002% of the population of the world today.  Pretty rare.  And we as religion embrace our uniqueness we are taught about individual worth, to be "in the world but not of the world" and many quotes like:

"Dare to be a Mormon.  Dare to stand alone.  Dare to have a purpose firm.  Dare to make it known." - Thomas S. Monson

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost 'The Road Not Taken" as often quoted by President Hinckley

I have lived most of my life in Utah where being Mormon wasn't very unique, but I will soon be moving to Pennsylvania where it will be quite unique to be Mormon.   Part of the Utah/Mormon culture is getting married at a young age and then to start popping out kids as soon as possible. I'm a twenty-something year old woman and I am not married.

I'm still a rarity.

It's not that I don't want to be married.  I'm a romantic, I've always loved the cheesy love stories, the Jane Austen novels, the fairy tales, the love songs and have imagined my "happily ever after".  I would be lying if I said that the older I get, the more bittersweet those stories I used to love have become.  I see friends and family, who I love dearly, and I see them getting their "happily ever afters" and I am really happy for them.  But I would also be lying if I said there wasn't a small part of me that was a little jealous as I wait for my own "love story".  And I hate that jealous little part of me, because I know that jealousy is not becoming or helpful to them or me and I should just be happy for these people I love and rejoice in their happiness.  I am happy for them.  I just long for that love, acceptance, and companionship that they have achieved and that I can see and admire in real life and as I keep in touch with them with Facebook and blogs.  Sometimes others "happily ever afters" seem to come so easily and beautifully and perfectly in a way that mine hasn't.  And it is a little hard to be optimistic and have faith in my future happiness when I feel like the culture I live in believes that:

"If you don't have two kids by twenty-one, then you're probably gonna die alone. At least that's what tradition told you." - Katy Musgraves Merry-Go-Round

But tradition and culture is not always right and sometimes being the rarity, being unique has it's advantages. I have been able to get my education with relatively few other concerns.  I have had the opportunity to serve others in unique ways, mentoring teenagers and playing with children, developing skills that will be useful in the future.  I have been able to travel a lot since I graduated college and I am about to embark on an adventure that probably would not be possible if I weren't still single.  I am being given the opportunity to establish myself in a career before taking on a marriage and family.  It may not have been what I always imagined, but I know I'm going where I need to be and doing what I need to be doing.

This summer I have observed people who received their "happily-ever-after" exactly as they wanted it, and yet they are not happy after all.  I have come to understand more fully the sacrifices and the responsibilities that come along with "happily-ever-after" and while I still want those blessings, I'm content to wait a little longer and continue to explore the world on my own.  Once you become a wife and mother you can't go back, and I don't want to take on those responsibilities until I'm absolutely ready.  I still have so much to learn and so many ways that I need to grow and prepare myself before taking on such serious and wonderful roles.

Maybe while I am on my adventures enjoying the freedom and independence and privacy that comes from being single I will find that oh so rare "happily ever after".  Maybe not.  Maybe I'll find that "happily ever after" in a unique way and time than what other people think is right for me or anyone else. Maybe not.  But no matter what happens:

I'll always be a rarity.