Wall of Gratitude

Every year during the month of November for the past three years, my roommates and I have put up a "Wall of Gratitude".  This wall of sticky notes serves as reminder of all the things we have been blessed with and gives us an opportunity to express our gratitude.  It becomes a game to a certain extent.  We usually keep it up throughout Christmas to remind us about all of the wonderful things in life.  Well it's only October and I don't have any roommates this year, but I want to start my "Wall of Gratitude".  I am challenging myself for the next two months to find something everyday to be grateful for and to express that gratitude.  If it's a long story I feel like sharing about my gratitude, I'll share it on here.  If it's a quick thought, I'll share it on Facebook.  I also will take the time to write private and personal notes of gratitude to those in my life to whom I owe a debt of gratitude.  Which is most of the people in my life.

My first "sticky note of gratitude" goes to my Heavenly Father.  Of course I always owe him and feel grateful for the life He has granted me, the world He allows me to live in, and the family and friends He has blessed me with.  But today I am feeling particularly grateful for His guidance in my life for a particular reason.

Today I found out that starting in January 2014, because of some new government regulations, Child Life Interns will have to be either affiliated with a college or paid in order to do their internship that is required to become certified.  Because of this, if I didn't have my internship that I have today, I wouldn't be able to do my internship, because I am unaffiliated with any college and let's face it, they're never gonna pay interns.  I got this internship at the perfect time.

Flash back to two years ago.  As my EFY participants and close friends and family know, I was debating on going on a mission.  I really, really wanted to go on a mission.  I had a mile long list on why it was a good idea for me to go on a mission.  I had wanted to go since I was eleven years old. I had been told by many people I would be a really good missionary, and I believed them. I thought it would be an awesome experience.   But I had never asked my Heavenly Father about it.  This time of year two years ago I started to really ask Heavenly Father about my plan to go on a mission.  I told him how much I wanted to go.  But I got an answer of "No."  I didn't understand it.  I argued with Heavenly Father, telling Him that it was a good thing that I wanted.  I fluctuated back and forth about going on a mission for two months.

Finally I had a really great friend tell me about her experience as an EFY counselor.  I felt really strongly that I should apply to be an EFY counselor. So I did.  And long story short, on some long shot, I became an EFY counselor.  That opportunity was the best two summers of my life.

My decision to not go on a mission has still been a difficult one.  As I watched the age drop and watched many friends and my younger brother going on missions, I wondered if I was missing something, if I had made the right choice.  I watched women my age who had gone on missions as they came back and these women were incredible.  I wondered if I could ever reach their spiritual level.  I wondered if I had missed out on my chance.

Through an incredible EFY miracle, I got an internship out in PA for this fall.  I am exactly where I need to be.  If I had gone with my plan for my life and gone on a mission, an internship would've been so much harder for me to get.  I would have missed this awesome opportunity.  I would have missed the opportunity to work with so many amazing youth and make amazing friends.

I am so glad that Heavenly Father told me "No."  I couldn't understand it two years ago, or even one year ago.  But Heavenly Father had a specific plan for me.  He had something that for me was better than a mission.  I know that Heavenly Father wants me to be a Child Life Specialist.  I don't know why, but I know he does.  I know that He wants me to live in Pennsylvania right now.  I don't know why, I just know he does.  I'm excited to see how other pieces of my life and His plan for me work out.  I know that Heavenly Father has guided me so far, and I know that He will continue to guide me to where I need to be.

If you don't know why you are where you are or why Heavenly Father gave you an answer that you didn't want or what Heavenly Father wants you to do with your life, just know this.  Heavenly Father does have a plan for you.  You may not understand it.  It may be difficult.  It may be different than what you would plan for yourself.  But the peace that comes from living your plan and knowing that you are where Heavenly Father wants you is worth the difficulty.  Heavenly Father loves you and knows you better than you know your self.

I am a Human Development and Family Studies Major

There.

I said it.

And I didn't qualify it.

Every single time someone asks me the inevitable college get to know you question I get a little nervous.  The second I say "Human Development" I get "the look".  I know that look, because I used to give that look.  It's the look that says "What in the world do you expect to do with that major?  Get your MRS degree and then start popping out babies and be a stay at home mom?  What if something happens and you have to provide for your family?  You can't provide for a family with that degree!" And like I said, I used to give "that look" too.  I remember going on a campus tour at BYU and passing the building that they said is where all the family and consumer sciences classes are.  I scoffed and thought to myself "Yeah, all the girls who are counting on getting married, dropping out of college, and being taken care of the rest of their lives. Ha."  Yeah, I was a little judgmental when I was seventeen.  Just a little bit. But I could be because I knew everything back then. I digress.  A few years, a little experience, and a lot of prayers later here I am trying to come to terms with my major.  I always feel like I have to defend what I am studying and why I am studying it.  My answer is almost always "My major is Human Development it's the program that will help me become a Child Life Specialist which is kind of like a play therapist at a hospital." It's a long and awkward explanation. But after that long explanation everyone is pretty much like "Ok, so you actually have a plan for your life." But at the same time I get tired of explaining myself and my life plans in the first five minutes of meeting someone.  And there is a part of me that thinks that I shouldn't have to explain myself and my choice of major to the world.

I was thinking about this today.  I was also thinking about the classes I'm taking and how they relate to families.   I was listening to the Mormon Channel program about families. I realized that this is my way to help families.  It is something that I have control over that will be helping families.  The family is under attack. This is how I can help the family. I realized that I don't have to explain or defend myself and my major and I don't have to feel like I'm pursuing a major that isn't really a good major.  It is an excellent major.  I am glad to be a Human Development and Family Studies Major.

Big University, Big City, Little Lessons, and my Little Playlist

Did you know that the University of Utah campus is 6 times bigger than the BYU campus?

I didn't.

But I learned that this week in Institute.

Institute is amazing by the way.

Just in case you were wondering.

I would recommend the Gospel and the Productive Life class.

We're only two classes in and my mind has already been blown away.

Seriously.

People on big campuses and in big cities don't say hi to people as they walk by.

And they look at you like your insane if you say hello to them.

True story.

 I not only found all of my classes, the library, and the institute building but I also found the grocery store this week, all by myself.

I was impressed.

I'm starting to recognize people from my ward, institute class, and classes.

I rode the bus to class for the first time ever in my entire life.  (OK, so it was actually a campus shuttle and I was already on campus, but I'm counting it, because I really have never rode the bus to school).

I'm going to have super strong leg muscles by the end of the year from walking to class.

I've already had more mail the past week then I had all last year.

Applying for jobs is a pain.

But a necessary pain.

On my to do/see list:

• Temple Square/Downtown Salt Lake/Church Headquarters
• Ride Trax
• London Store

My Playlist this week:
"Don't Forget To Remember Me" by Carrie Underwood (my theme song from when I moved away to SUU)

"Holding On" by Cherie Call (my theme song from when I moved to St. George)

"Movin' Out" by Billy Joel (because it's about moving, sort of, it has a good beat, and I just like it!)

"Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift (my theme song for moving this week. i'm also learning how to play this on the piano.)

"This One's For The Girls" by Martina McBride (this one came out when I was 13 and my mom related to the 42 part even though she wasn't that old then, now I relate much better to the 25 part.)

"A Place In This World" by Taylor Swift (because I still feel this way sometimes)

"Lessons Learned" by Carrie Underwood (because I have a feeling I'll be learning lessons in this chapter of my life like I have been my whole life)

"Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood (because all of us are in a "temporary home" and in a temporary stage in life and no matter how good or bad it is, it's temporary)

"Uncharted" by Sara Bareilles (because all of this change is uncharted for me).

So that's life so far this week.

I Love Sundays When You Can Feel Your Heart Start To Heal

Do you know what it feels like to heal?  I think it feels really good.  Today as I got ready for my lesson, listened to the Mormon Channel, attended sacrament meeting, shakily taught Sunday School, and listened to the somewhat awkward Relief Society lesson, I changed.  I felt the change more then anything.  I've honestly had an awful summer.  I've been miserable.  I didn't want to be home this summer, especially with no friends, a dead end job, and a ward I wasn't looking forward to attending.  I've been going through the motions, praying for a change of heart, and today it happened.  I felt my hard heart soften like butter.  I realized that I've been putting up barriers to my own happiness, deeming myself only worthy of misery.  I've been determined to be the victim, the miserable, helpless victim.  But I'm done with that now.  I'm done.

For The Time Being

These are my short term goals:

• I want to get remotivated to eat healthy foods, healthy portions, and exercise.
• I want to get settled into my new position and responsibilities at work.
• I want to find a job in the Great-White North.
• I want to find housing in the Great-White North.
• I want to attend the temple once a month.
• I want to attend an institute class this summer.
• I want to make another quilt.
• I want to read a lot of books
• I want to spend less time on the computer and watching TV and movies.
• I want to practice the piano more consistently.
• I want to get back my self confidence and zest for life.

Bitter Sweet

Another semester has come to an end.  This is a bitter-sweet time for me because I'm extremely excited for summer and to take on the new challenges and changes that life is going to bring my way.  At the same time I'm sad to be closing another chapter in my life.  I'm going to miss the mountains, the wind (I know it's a shocker I'm going to miss the wind), the beautiful (small) campus I'm about to leave behind, the wonderful ward with a rock star Relief Society President and an Amazing Bishop, and all of the friends I have made at this place.  It's been an amazing two years that I wouldn't trade for the world.  I have learned so much and grown up a lot.  I'm going to miss it.  But so life goes, when one door closes another one opens.  So let's see what's behind this next door!

The Great White North . . . Continued . . .

I had a great time in the Great White North.  I learned a lot.  Like the U of U is HUGE! (Seriously, I got lost driving on campus, walking on campus, and walking in buildings.  Have you ever been in their library?  It's huge, there's a freaking restaurant in there.  Walking through the library reminded me of walking through an airplane terminal.  WOW!)

Parking is pretty much impossible to find in the Great White North, especially if you're looking for free parking.  Just saying.  Gas is less expensive there though (which made me happy!) 

While I was there I didn't get nearly enough/as much looking for housing and jobs done as I was hoping (but then again I do tend to set unrealistic expectations up for myself a lot ok most of the time).  But I did find some good stuff that I was looking for. I applied at a lot of jobs but haven't heard anything back yet, so I guess we'll see. 

I ended up spending most of my time there practicing my big city driving skills and figuring out where things are in relation to each other (have I ever mentioned that I'm directionally challenged?  Because I am.  I even got lost WITH the GPS!) I was able to kind of figure out where things are located in the Great White North and where to get on and off the highway(s) and stuff like that.  

I also spent a lot of time with my family.  My Grandma had her 77th Birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA! So I got to hang out with her and do cool things like watch Tangled until 11:30 pm and go shopping at Kolhs and Walmart and eat at yummy places like the Olive Garden.  She was so kind as to invite me up to her house for the night and we played Mexican Train with the Garfield family.  At the Olive Garden I got to hang out with most of the family, which I hadn't done in a long time.  I learned a lot about my extended family and was able to develop a relationship with them separate from my nuclear family, which was kind of cool I'm not gonna lie.  I also got to hang out a lot with Judy and Wes and I really enjoyed hanging out with them.

Basically the weekend was amazing and I learned a lot of things I wasn't expecting to learn even though I didn't accomplish everything I expected to accomplish.  But that's the way life goes a lot of the time.  Overall, I deem this past weekend a SUCCESS!   

Opportunities

What do you do when an opportunity comes up that you weren't expecting and you're not sure if you want to take it or not?  There is always the possibility of something better coming up if you take the opportunity.  Or you could turn down the opportunity and nothing better could come up.  Or you could take the opportunity and nothing better could come up.  Or you could turn down the opportunity and something better could turn up.  But at this point you just don't know.  It's times like these that make you wish that you could see the future in a crystal ball.  Not even all of it, just enough of a glimpse to help you to know what you should do. 

I think I've got a lot of praying, fasting, thinking, and deciding to do.

It's gonna be a long week.