"Republican" vs "Democrat" a.k.a. "Romney" vs "Obama" aka "Us" vs "Them" aka "Good" vs "Evil" aka "Right" vs "Wrong" aka "The Nastiest Divorce I've Ever Seen"

I'm kind of/sort of a huge news junkie.  I'm constantly checking ksl and reading the free newspapers provided by my school.  As a news junkie, I feel like I'm constantly getting flooded with political "stuff". And with the upcoming election I'm getting flooded with even more political "stuff" from "friends" statuses.  I know "stuff" is such a vague term but I feel like vague is a good description of our current politics. It's not specific political arguments about how the city, county, state, or nation should be run.  It's vague finger pointing blame.

Election year 2012 is the nastiest divorce I've ever seen. (Except with most marriages the couple starts out liking each other, I don't think either political party ever liked the other political party.)  You know the ones where when the Mom and the Dad are just arguing because that's all that they do, it's not about whatever the argument was originally about.  They start arguing and they just throw every little grievance over the years and they throw the kitchen sink into the argument and they get so off topic from the original argument.  Those divorces where the couple is fighting years after the divorce is granted.  Those divorces where the parties involved believe that nothing is "their fault" it's all the other person's fault.  Yes the divorce is ugly but if the "other person" would just stop fighting, they would stop fighting, but heaven forbid they should be the one to stop the fighting first.  Those divorces where there is absolutely no possibility of the couple agreeing or compromising about anything.  Those divorces where everyone who knows someone involved in the divorce has to "pick a side".  Those divorces where both sides thinks "I'm right and they are wrong" or "I'm a good person but the other person I'm pretty sure is the devil in a thinly veiled disguise".  And everyone involved in the divorce, but especially children, which is in this case the country, gets hurt.

What makes me even sadder is when politics spills into everyday life and even relationships between friends.  For some reason people seem to think that if they post an angry Facebook post about how whatever political party/politician that they disagree with is the devil himself sent to destroy the country will convince their friends/family/acquaintances that support that devil  politician that the politician they support is actually evil.  Because of their angry and contentious Facebook post everyone is going to vote for the politician/party that they think will save the country.    But what really happens is that they just tick off their friends and start arguments.  And all the while the country becomes more and more polarized and incapable of compromising.  Compromise is exactly what this country needs.

I'm just going to say it.

Democrats aren't evil.
Republicans aren't evil.
Mitt Romney isn't evil.
Barack Obama isn't evil.

Honestly, we need Democrats, Republicans, and Independents.  We need people who think differently and who value different things.  But we also need people who able to work with people they don't agree with and who are able to compromise.  Even if they could just pretend to get along the country would be taking a step in the right direction.  Extremism causes problems.

Please research the candidates, national, state, and local, and vote for whoever you think will be the best for the country.  But don't hate people who vote differently then you.  Honestly, the world isn't going to end because of who is elected.  (The world is going to end because the Mayan calendar ends, duh.)

It's just like Miranda Lambert says in "Only Prettier"

"If you wanna pick a fight, I'm gonna have to say goodnight.

I don't have to be hateful I can just say "bless your heart"

We don't have to like each other but it's sure fun to pretend.

If you just smile and behave you can always get your way

It's a universal plan that'll get you where you can in all societies.

So let's shake hands and reach across those party lines

You got your friends just like I got mine

We might think a little differently but we got a lot in common you will see

We're just like you, only prettier.

I'm just like you, only prettier."

That's all I have to say about that.

Rapunzel and I

One of the great things about EFY is that it gave me cause to look at myself in a different light.  I wanted to let my kids know why I'm jaundice, but I wanted a fun and positive way to explain it.  So I thought of something brilliant.  I would tell my kids that my skin glows like Rapunzel's hair in Tangled.  It worked for them, for my fellow counselors, and even for me.  The past four weeks when I've told people they've been like "It's so true, you glow."  It's so much better to be told that you glow rather than looking at yourself like an ugly neon light.  And as we discussed the theme Arise and Shine and how these kids can get the glow of the Spirit by living the gospel I realized that "glowing" is a good thing.  I'm glad to "glow".

The Trouble With Being An Introvert And Slow To Warm Up

I've always liked being alone.  True story. There were many times when I was little and my brother wanted to play with me and I was mean to him because I wanted to play alone.  It wasn't anything against him (usually (sometimes?)) I have just always liked my alone time (ok I was a brat when I was little but that's not what this post is about). I always loved it when I could hang out at home all by myself . . . turn up my music and party by myself in my room.  I even get overloaded by socialization and then I have to take a break from the world and recoup in my own little world. 

So why do I feel so lonely?

I've felt this way before.  I remember when I was in the first grade and my only friends during recess were the "lunch duties".  I sat out and watched the other kids play for a year, not quite feeling included and sad because my best friend from kindergarten was in another class.  And then there was seventh grade.  That was a rough year.  I didn't even want to feel included that year because I just wanted to go home to all my friends and family and to have everything go back to the way it was before my 12th birthday.  I made three friends that year - one at school, one at YW's, and one in the car pool. 

I guess I'm just a little confused because it wasn't like this two years ago.  But it was different then, it was easier then.  I know that it's going to get better.  It always does.  I struggle alone for a year and then it gets better. People don't always like me at first, aparantly I put out a vibe of hatred. I don't mean to, but I've been told that I do.  And I'm not completely alone.  My roommates are alright and I have one friend at school. 

Sometimes when I'm walking by myself or waiting all alone at the doctors office I wonder why I'm so alone.  But then I realize that I'm learning to be independent and self relient.  I only have myself to rely on out here.  Except that's not really true.  I have a lot of family, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, who have been so supportive of me while I've been out here.  And I always have the Savior to rely on.  I'm really not alone at all, there are always people around me, at school, at church, everywhere I go.  I'm not as alone as I originally thought I was.

Playlist:
"Dancing With Myself" - Glee
"On My Own" - Les Miserables
"The Outside" - Taylor Swift

Quick Political Thoughts

Recently I was on stumbleupon, which is one of my favorite time waster/procrastinator/boredom buster sites ever.  While there I stumbled upon this Amazing Blog Post which pretty much sums up America's problems nice and neatly into one little letter.  I couldn't agree more with Professor O'Hare so I had to share.

I also recently found a new favorite quote:

"Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman are both Mormons.  One of them could be the next President.  The other one is Jon Huntsman." - Stephen Colbert

Another lyrical poetic thingy... Just for fun...

This one was inspired by a boy. Dumb and cliche I know. This particular boy I've known for a year or two and we've become really good friends. I thought maybe we could be more but I was wrong. This is what i would say to him if I could only find the courage.

Everytime I saw you
I smiled
Everytime I saw you
My heart skipped a beat
Without even knowing it
I fell for you

You listened to me like no one else
Everytime I saw you
You cared like no one had before
Everytime I saw you
Before I knew it
You were my best friend

Imagine my surprise when when you first asked me about her
I tried to brush it off
No big deal
Then you cornered me
I had no escape
You told me about the date
The one you took her on
The one I had waited years for
My heart broke just a little
Ad my secret hope was
Crushed
Right before my eyes

Everytime I see you now
I pretend to smile
Everytime I see you mow
Mu heart breaks a little more
Wihout even knowing it
You broke my heart
Something you never meant to do

You tell me about her and no one else
Everytime I see you now
You hurt me like no one has before
Everytime i see you now
Bedew I knew it
I started avoiding you

I know you don't understand why
Neither do I
I tried not to fall for you
I didn't even know I had
Until I saw you in her arms
I knew when I saw her I had lost my chance
How can I compare to her?
I tried to talk myself out of feeling the way I do
Maybe I will with time and distance
It's my only hope

So this is how it ends
My only regret is not telling you how I felt
My only regret is not telling you how I still feel.
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

I Hate It When Reality Sets In

I live with my head happily in the clouds most of the time in more then one way.  That's just the way I am.  When something hard comes my way I either stew and worry and stress and assume the worst about it forever or I force myself to forget about it by sticking my head back in the clouds. I force myself to use my imagination and I don't let myself think about it.  That's the approach I've been taking lately about school stuff.  But today reality hit me.

First some good news: I got a stipend/scholarship for college today!  Yay money for college!

So I looked at how much tuition costs.  Yeah it's a lot.  My heart sank.  I hate how expensive college is and how expensive living is. And how even though I try I can't pay for it all by myself. Yet.  But someday I'll be able to right?  That's what I have to remind myself as I work everyday that I'm just trying to pay for college so that someday I can be self reliant.  

I Love Sundays When You Can Feel Your Heart Start To Heal

Do you know what it feels like to heal?  I think it feels really good.  Today as I got ready for my lesson, listened to the Mormon Channel, attended sacrament meeting, shakily taught Sunday School, and listened to the somewhat awkward Relief Society lesson, I changed.  I felt the change more then anything.  I've honestly had an awful summer.  I've been miserable.  I didn't want to be home this summer, especially with no friends, a dead end job, and a ward I wasn't looking forward to attending.  I've been going through the motions, praying for a change of heart, and today it happened.  I felt my hard heart soften like butter.  I realized that I've been putting up barriers to my own happiness, deeming myself only worthy of misery.  I've been determined to be the victim, the miserable, helpless victim.  But I'm done with that now.  I'm done.

Sometimes

Sometimes people say mean things.
Sometimes those people are complete strangers.
Sometimes you feel like saying mean things back to complete strangers but realize that you're in an inappropriate place to say mean things back so you keep your mouth shut.
Sometimes you think of lots of good come backs you really, really wish you could've used.
Sometimes you realize that complete stranger was just projecting their problems onto you.
Sometimes you realize that maybe there is a grain of truth to the mean things strangers sometimes say.
Sometimes you realize that you can either stay mad at complete strangers who say mean things or you can let go of your hurt pride and your hurt feelings, take the little grain of truth and make changes you need to make, and move on with your life.

And sometimes you take the high road and move on with your life (after writing a blog post about it.)

Heart Like Mine

Miranda Lambert's "Heart Like Mine" is one of my favorite songs lately.  If you've ever heard that song, you may wonder why I like it so much, I'm not much like the girl in the song.  But I love this song because I love how it points out how Christ understands everyone, even the rebels.  I like that idea and I really believe that is true. Christ understands us at our best and our worst and loves us both ways.

Today in Institute we talked about Mary and Martha.  I love the story of Mary and Martha but I kinda hate talking about it in classes and stuff because I feel like everybody through's Martha under the bus by misquoting scripture.  So Mary and Martha have the Savior over for dinner. Martha makes dinner and Mary sits and listens to the Savior.  Martha complains to Christ that Mary isn't helping and Christ says that Mary "has chosen that good part."  Not the better part, the good  part.  It drives me crazy because everybody says that Martha isn't very good because she doesn't sit and listen to the Savior.  I think that she just had a different way of showing her love, respect, and understanding of who He was.  And like my mom always says "Different is not bad, it's just different." Everybody judges Martha unfairly.  And I know plenty of "Martha's" in my life and I think that they are absolutely amazing.

I guess I'm just tired of people judging everybody all the time.  I think we should all just get along.  We have more in common then we have different.  We don't really know what is in others hearts and if we just judge them, we'll never know.

Story of my Life

Today one of my really good guy friends came into work and we hung out in concessions, just the two of us, for about twenty minutes.

Initially I was really excited because I love hanging out with him.

I may have even had a little crush on him because he is one of the few guys I know who treats me really nice.

I could talk to him about almost anything and he went out of his way to include me in fun activities.

 I kinda liked him and I was trying to figure out if he liked me back.

 I kept waiting to be asked out on a real date.

It never happened.

 Now i know why.

A girl we used to work with got back from her mission on Monday.

He took her on a date on Tuesday.

I got to hear all about it today.

All about it.

He wouldn't let me change the subject.

 I just stood there and listened wondering what exactly he was expecting from me and the conversation.

I bit my tongue and didn't say what i was thinking because they were not nice thoughts.

I get the picture now that we're just gonna be friends.

Now I'm spending another sleepless night listening to"On My Own", "Invisible", "You Belong with Me", and "Teardrops On My Guitar" on my iPod trying not to feel too sorry for myself and not to give up on the notion that anyone will ever like me.

Yay late night pity parties?

Pathetic, I know.

 I guess that the worst part is that I'm not even that sad that over him, it's more of the idea that no one has liked me, does like me, or will ever like me.

 It's just the same old story that has played over and over and over through the past 20 years of my life.

Issues

I guess I'm a little more like my Grandma M. then I realized.  She called me on Sunday to wish me a happy birthday and since it was Mothers Day we talked about how in church on Mothers Day people give talks about "perfect" mothers.  My Grandma told me she hated those "perfect Mothers" talks, I can only assume because she doesn't view herself as a "perfect" mother.  When she told me this it made me think about how I had been pondering blogging about how I tend to compare myself to the "perfect people" in the blogs that I read.  Sometimes these "perfect people" blogs drive me crazy because I don't see myself as a perfect person, so I wonder why I keep a blog or why I even try my best at anything because I never seem to measure up to the perfection that is other people.  And I guess this is the same way my Grandma M. feels about being a mother.  I don't think she's perfect, but I think she did a really good job she just can't see it.  And I think I'm the same way about a lot of things.  I think lots of people are that way though. 

My roommates and I had a similar discussion right before I moved back home.  We were talking about how each of us has "issues" that we think are so obvious to everyone else and that we think everybody just looks at us and thinks "Oh my gosh.  She has issues." and that everyone just sits there and judges us.  In all reality though, we're too busy noticing and trying to cover up our own "issues" to notice and judge most other peoples issues most of the time.  We're all a lot harder on ourselves then we are on other people.  It was interesting to talk about this to my roommates because they all pointed out "issues" they thought were obvious to everyone else, and I didn't think it was an issue for them.  I think we all need to be a little more forgiving of ourselves and realize that we're not the only one struggling to get through life.