Dear Friend,

Once upon a time, months and months ago you asked me a question that I haven't been able to get out of my head.  It wasn't an exceptionally original question, but your sincerity pierced me to the core.  I could tell that this question really troubled you and for a good reason.  I wondered why I had never been bothered by your question in the same way you had.  In fact I had heard the question theoretically thousands of times in Primary, Sunday School, Young Women's, Seminary, Relief Society, Institute and General Conference.  I'd practiced out scenarios of how to answer such a question just as many times.  In theory the answer is simple.  But yet when you asked me that question, the answer tripped on my tongue.  I knew the answer, I just didn't know how to explain the answer. I didn't know how to explain how I knew the answer.  You know?  And when I gave my best heartfelt simple answer, you didn't seem to believe me.  Sometimes I say things better in writing. I want to answer you now. I will use the words of men that I believe to be prophets who talk to God to receive answers to questions like yours, I will also use books that I believe to be scriptures.  But most importantly I will share some of my own experiences and my own feelings and conclusions that give me peace as I contemplate your question.

I believe in a loving Heavenly Father because I have experienced his love, even when my life hasn't been fair. My life has not been fair.  I never claimed it has been.  I didn't do anything to deserve the blood disorder I was born with, to look yellow and be hospitalized from my birth.  It was unfair.  But I am a better person for the unfair experiences I have gone through.  I can say that with all of my heart and soul.  I am convinced of that fact.  I wish I could grab you and look you straight in the eyes so you could see that I really do believe this and that I would not trade my unfair experiences for anything in the entire world.  I would not trade my worst day for one day of perfect health, perfect beauty or perfect anything.  I mean it when I say that I would not be who I am today without the unfair experiences I have gone through.  End of story.  And I love and am so grateful to my Heavenly Father, my God, for trusting me to be able to get through those awful and hard days.  He knew that I could handle it, that I could do hard things, when I didn't know that I could.  He knew that this hard road would lead me to be exactly where I need to be and exactly who I need to be today.

I know that it is so hard when unfair things happen to you.  I know that it is even harder when you witness them happening to innocent people that you know and innocent people you don't even know. Elder Cook said "Events often occur that rob us of peace and heighten our sense of vulnerability". I have experienced that first hand as well.  I know that it breaks your heart.  I know that in that moment it does not make any sense at all.  And it is so easy to get mad.  But I don't believe in a vindictive God or a God who enjoys seeing his creations, his children, suffer.  I believe in a God who loves to see His children become more like Him.  I believe in a God who loves his children.  I do not know why all the bad and unfair things in the world happen.  I can't answer that question.  But I know that God loves his children.  And that is enough for me.  I know that when my heart has been absolutely broken, He understands because His heart has been broken too.  When He sees unfair things happen to me and to you and to everyone you and I love He gets it because unfair things have happened to Him and the people who He loves.  God allowed His Son, His Perfect Son Jesus Christ, to die for me and you, imperfect me and you.  What could be more unfair?  He watched as His Son was rejected and scorned, and He suffered for me and you.  What could that be but love?

How do I know these things?  This knowledge has not come easily to me.  I struggled for years and years feeling so alone and feeling like life really wasn't fair.  I asked God to be able to feel His love.  I asked God if He was there and if He cared.  And He answered me, slowly, almost imperceptibly.  But I have felt God's love.  To me His influence sometimes feels like a warm feeling in my heart, sometimes it just feels like calmness.  As I study about God and His Son Jesus Christ, I have prayed to know if it is true and I have felt the reassurance in my heart that it is true.  What are you feeling right now?  If it feels good, if it feels true, I can tell you that you are feeling the Holy Ghost, telling you that what I am telling you is true.  It doesn't have to be completely overwhelming, just the smallest assurance, the smallest hope, hold on to it.  Build on that assurance and hope, that feeling.  Look for it.  It's there.  Because God loves you too.  Just like I know God loves me, I know that He loves you.  And because His heart has been broken and He has experienced unfairness, He understands like no one else what you are feeling.  Turn to Him.  Turn to Christ.  Let them heal your heart.  It's a slow process.  But it's worth it.

Why does God let bad things happen to good people?

I don't know, but I know that God loves His children (1 Nephi 11:17).

If you want to know more visit mormon.org.

Dear Zombies Occupying Wall Street:

I can't put my thoughts on the zombies occupying wall street (and salt lake as of today) any better than the Beatles did in their song "Revolution". So here's the lyrics (which I don't own.)

You say you want a revolution

Well you know

We all want to change the world

You tell me that its evolution

Well you know

We all want to change the world

*********

You say you got a real solution

We all want to see the plan

You ask me for a contribution

Well you know

We're all doing what we can

*********

(for the tea party, just for fun)

You say you'll change the constitution

Well you know

We'd all love to change your head

*********

Don't you know it's gonna be alright

Basically I don't think zombie occupation is going to help anything.  I don't even think it's addressing the real problem. In the words of Forest Gump:

That's all I have to say about that.

Heart Like Mine

Miranda Lambert's "Heart Like Mine" is one of my favorite songs lately.  If you've ever heard that song, you may wonder why I like it so much, I'm not much like the girl in the song.  But I love this song because I love how it points out how Christ understands everyone, even the rebels.  I like that idea and I really believe that is true. Christ understands us at our best and our worst and loves us both ways.

Today in Institute we talked about Mary and Martha.  I love the story of Mary and Martha but I kinda hate talking about it in classes and stuff because I feel like everybody through's Martha under the bus by misquoting scripture.  So Mary and Martha have the Savior over for dinner. Martha makes dinner and Mary sits and listens to the Savior.  Martha complains to Christ that Mary isn't helping and Christ says that Mary "has chosen that good part."  Not the better part, the good  part.  It drives me crazy because everybody says that Martha isn't very good because she doesn't sit and listen to the Savior.  I think that she just had a different way of showing her love, respect, and understanding of who He was.  And like my mom always says "Different is not bad, it's just different." Everybody judges Martha unfairly.  And I know plenty of "Martha's" in my life and I think that they are absolutely amazing.

I guess I'm just tired of people judging everybody all the time.  I think we should all just get along.  We have more in common then we have different.  We don't really know what is in others hearts and if we just judge them, we'll never know.

Getting my voice heard

Right now I'm listening to the Beatles "Revolution".  I've been watching and listening to Les Miserables especially the songs "Do you hear the people sing?" and "Red and Black".  I've had a horrible day and I'm frustrated with myself and the whole world around me. 

I have a feeling this is going to be a ranting post.  I hope I don't offend anyone but this is really how I feel at this exact moment in time.

I don't even know where to start.

I have watched elections that I haven't been able to vote in and I've watched the government make mistake after mistake after mistake.  I have always learned that here in the USA we are ruled by the people for the people.  Is that really the case anymore?  I just don't know anymore.  I have been told that majority rules but what happens when the majority becomes silent?  Or becomes so loud that they can't even here themselves anymore?  Many people that I have talked to have become so dissillusioned with the political system and feel like there is nothing they can do to change everything that is happening in the world that they disagree with.  I mean what can I and my friends and family do?  We can vote.  We can write our representitives.  We could protest.  But really none of those things will do a whole lot of good at this point.

I think that part of the problem is the two party system.  I think more people should vote third party.  The democrats have become so liberal they are conservative and the republicans have become so conservative that they're liberal.  I agree with about half of what each party stands for and I think both parties have some really flawed thinking.  Half the problem is that they won't compromise, they are all too worried about being right and getting whatever is on their agenda passed rather than focusing on what is good for the American people and what the majority wants and needs.  This is a huge issue.  It's what causing our country to go downhill.  In the Book of Mormon it talks about how the majority of people will usually want what is right, so it's up to our leaders to listen to the majority.

Another problem is in fact the internet.  Don't get me wrong, I love the internet it can be helpful how easy it is to get information.  The issue is that it makes it so easy for everyone to put their ideas out there that there are so many voices and so many putting out their opinions it's virutally impossible to unite people.  (And yes I understand the irony of me writing this on my blog.) Everyone is so busy speaking, yelling their opinions that no one is taking the time to listen.  We as a generation need to remember to use our ears and mouth proportionately. 

If you look throughout history, it is always the young people who bring about the necessary changes in the world.  The American Revolution, the French Revolution, and the Civil Rights, they were all started by college students.  Adults my age.  But now people my age either don't care or feel like there is nothing they can do about it.  But I think that we need to stand up for our country and for what is right. If we don't stand up, who will?

Basically I want to be able to tell my children and grandchildren that I stood for what was right, that I didn't sit by passively and let the world change around me for the worse without trying to make a change for the better.  I want to make sure that the world is a better place when I leave it then it was when I got it, then it is right now.  Whether it be politics, standing up for the family, or just plain standing up for what I think is right, whether or not it's popular, I just want to be able to stay that I stood up and had my voice heard and counted for.

Sorry this post is kind of rambling and I don't know if it made much sense, but I just had to get it out there.