Boys vs. Guys vs. Men (Part Two)

A year and a half ago, I wrote a post talking about the difference between boys, guys, and men based mainly off of Jane Austen novels, my own limited observations of the "male species", and a deep discussion with my beloved roommates.  I feel like I've learned more about men and the making of men in the past month at EFY than I had in my whole entire life.

Boys: Most 14-15 year old and some 16-18 year old boys fall under the category of "boy", immature, obnoxious, and scared but not about to let anyone see that side.

Guys: Most 16-18 year old, a few 14 year old boys, and a few counselors would be considered "guys", fun to hang out with, think they are so cool, and think that they know everything.

Men: Most EFY counselor are MEN in every sense of the word.  They are responsible, mature, fun, and spiritual giants. Men respect women and treat them like queens and men love the Lord and put Him first.  I have never met so many men in my life as I have as an EFY counselor.  I have never felt so respected.  I feel better about myself when I'm around these men.  And I can tell these men love the Lord and they love all those that they are around.  And these men have such a tremendous effect for good.  These men transform these boys and guys around them into men in less than a week.  I've seen it happen every week.  These boys and guys learn what a real man is like and how to become one.  These boys and guys learn how to treat women.  And these boys, guys, and men are lifting all the girls and women they are around and helping them to become better.

Basically this is a big thank you to all of my lovely co-counselor's and to all the other male counselor's I've encountered the past few weeks.  You men are so awesome!!

Just so you know these men aren't the only men I've ever encountered.  My dad is an awesome man and he has taught my brother to become an awesome man as well.  I especially got to witness last week on our family vacation.  I also have awesome grandfather's, uncle's, and cousins who are great men as well.  And this past year I have gotten to know the awesome men that are in my ward.

Thanks you men for lifting me up and making me want to become a better person.

"I Don't Care For Your Fairy tales"

Honestly, 90% of the time, I love fairy tales.  I'm a sucker for any good Disney movie with a princess and prince and a good old fashioned happy ending (I mean, how cute is Tangled?! Seriously!)  And I love Taylor Swift fairy tale songs with happy endings as well (Is it possible to find a better song than "Love Story" or "Enchanted" or "Mine" or "Fearless" or any happy T. Swift song?)  I love Jane Austen novels which don't get much more fairy tale.  And I'm probably the biggest romantic day dreamer that I know.  But sometimes I get to the point where I'm like "Forget this!  It's overrated anyway. Boys are dumb. Guys are gay.  And real men don't exist anymore.( Go here for a refresher on the difference between boys, guys, and men.)  At times like that I listen to Carry Underwood's "The More Boys I Meet" and Sara Bareilles "Fairytale".  And occasionally I'll go for Broadway tunes like "You Can't Get A Man With A Gun" and the ever classic "I Hate Men".

Another lyrical poetic thingy... Just for fun...

This one was inspired by a boy. Dumb and cliche I know. This particular boy I've known for a year or two and we've become really good friends. I thought maybe we could be more but I was wrong. This is what i would say to him if I could only find the courage.

Everytime I saw you
I smiled
Everytime I saw you
My heart skipped a beat
Without even knowing it
I fell for you

You listened to me like no one else
Everytime I saw you
You cared like no one had before
Everytime I saw you
Before I knew it
You were my best friend

Imagine my surprise when when you first asked me about her
I tried to brush it off
No big deal
Then you cornered me
I had no escape
You told me about the date
The one you took her on
The one I had waited years for
My heart broke just a little
Ad my secret hope was
Crushed
Right before my eyes

Everytime I see you now
I pretend to smile
Everytime I see you mow
Mu heart breaks a little more
Wihout even knowing it
You broke my heart
Something you never meant to do

You tell me about her and no one else
Everytime I see you now
You hurt me like no one has before
Everytime i see you now
Bedew I knew it
I started avoiding you

I know you don't understand why
Neither do I
I tried not to fall for you
I didn't even know I had
Until I saw you in her arms
I knew when I saw her I had lost my chance
How can I compare to her?
I tried to talk myself out of feeling the way I do
Maybe I will with time and distance
It's my only hope

So this is how it ends
My only regret is not telling you how I felt
My only regret is not telling you how I still feel.
I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Pre-Date Jitters

That's right I have a date tonight...the first in a long time. Of course as soon as I woke up this morning I jumped up and went to my closet to pick out the perfect outfit...nice but casual. I helped my roommate pick out a perfect outfit as well, jewelry and everything. Then we cleaned the house.  And cleaned.  And cleaned. And cleaned.  Then we got ready.  Katie was kind enough to do my hair for me, cute curls.  As I waited I felt super nervous.  I don't know this guy.  My roommates don't know this guy.  He is my roommates friends roommate.  Luckily, KC ended up being very nice. We had yummy fondue (which the guys ended up experimenting with, of course) and played What If? and told stories.  It was a fun, casual date.  I hope to do more of those more often. 

I am...dare I say it? Bored?!?!

Boredom is a beautiful thing.

Boredom means you have all the time in the world to do what ever you want to do.  I can't even remember the last time I was bored.  It is an amazing luxury.  I mean I suppose I could work on homework, but I spent along time yesterday finishing up my book report, which got an A, and I don't have anything due for awhile so I'm taking a break, watching Inception and Hairspray. Or I could work on finding a job.  I got to go on a walk, the weather was beautiful here.  I'm nervous and excited for my date tomorrow.  I'll keep you posted.  I'm excited for summer. It's so close I can almost taste it!

Faith

I remember back when I was a little girl and I had such wide-eyed faith and hope and belief in everything working out perfectly.  I miss that girl.  I'm working to be more optomistic about how life is going to work out.  I have decided that I need to have more faith in myself.  I need to have more faith in the fact that I will get married, whether it's when I'm in my 20's, 30's or beyond, it's going to happen.  God keeps his promises.  I just can't determine the timing for the blessings. It's really become a matter of faith because I have no evidence that I'll ever get married or even get a date, but I'm trusting God.  I have faith that marriages not all marriages end in divorce.  And sometimes even the girl who seems unlikely to find love, does in fact find it.  It may not be the happily ever after love of the fairy tales, love songs, and chick flicks.  I have faith in the fact that I will find love at some point.

"D" is for Dating

My roommates are planning an "Australia Night" group date.  I was talking to one of them and she was telling me that she doesn't feel like she has anyone to go with.  I suggested some of her friends and she told me that she couldn't because "we're just friends and I'm not interested so I don't want to ask them." So I suggested a few men that I knew she had "admired" and then she said that she couldn't ask them because "I don't know them well enough."

That conversation got me thinking about dating and why its so complicated and I can now understand a little bit of the guys dilemma.  They don't want to ask a "friend" because it could ruin their friendship and they don't want to ask someone who they don't know because that's kind of awkward.

I'm taking a marriage class and we have talked about how the best marriages are those that are based on friendship.

I guess the trick is gaining the courage to go from "just friends" to "more than just friends".Transitions are the hardest part in any relationship, at any time in the relationship. I haven't had too much luck with that so far. I'm actually really bad at that. I've gotten a lot of advice on how to deal with this transition but I've found that it's not something that can be taught in a book, fireside, talk or from the best advice from well meanin people.

I do know one thing, I want to be friends with men I'd be ok with dating an I want to date people who I can be friends with. I want my marriage to be a friendship.

My Dear Husband,

It's true, I'm not married, yet, but I have seen cute letters to future husbands here and I thought I would try it, especially because she won't be writing letters to a future husband anymore.  :)

Dear Husband,

I hope you know I'm a hopeless romantic. 

I love rainstorms, I think they are so romantic.  If I ever text you this "Drop everything now. Meet me in the pouring rain, Kiss me on the sidewalk, Take away the pain." and it's raining, please do just that.  I know it's corney, but it's also cute (in my opinion) and that will make me so happy. (And yes that is from a Taylor Swift song.  Have I mentioned I'm a hopeless romantic?)

I love little kid movies like The Lion King and Tangled and Up and How to Train Your Dragon and Finding Nemo.  We will be watching those on a regular basis.  (I'll let you off the hook for my favorite chick flicks like Pride and Prejudice and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I may even let you off the hook for my cute but really old classic movies.  Maybe.)

I like to sing and dance.  I sing really loudly and badly and I dance really silly.  I hope you will sing and dance and make a fool out of yourself with me.

Sometimes I'm really sarcastic and I don't like being wrong.  I apologize in advance.

I love food, I love to cook, but I hate doing the dishes.  I hope you like to eat and do dishes.  :)

Sometimes I just have to have ice cream.  It's not a want, it's a need.

That's All!

Love,

You're darling future wife!

:)

Having it all and Hanging out and Other lessons learned in school

So my classes have kinda got me thinking lately.  It's weird, I know, but I guess that's what college is supposed to do, make you think.  First I came across this loverly quote in my parenting text book (yes I am taking a parenting class, no I am not in college just for my MRS degree I actually have plans for a very meaningful job and this class just happens to be a requirement to get that job!)  :)

"We are a generation of young women raise to believe we can do it all. We also need the self-displine and wisdom to understand we can't do it all right now." - Jennifer Regen Bisbee

I think that is so true.  Yes we are able to do whatever to do whatever we want to do.  But we can't do everything right now and all at the same time.  The hard part is deciding what is the most important thing to do first and balancing everything you want and need to do.

In my institute class we were discussing the difference between "hanging out" and "dating" like it is talked about in this amazing article.  A lot of the guys (notice the usage of the word guys)  got very defensive as all of the girls in the room talked about how we want to go on dates not just hang out.  It was very interesting because this had been on my mind for a little while now.  I just don't know how to make it any more clear to the guys and men out there that we actually want to go out on dates and not just hang out.  Elder Oaks talks about "lock[ing] the pantry and bolt[ing] the front door [and] . . . hang[ing] up a sign, 'Will open for individual dates,'"

Well boys, guys, and men, my door is locked and there is a sign on my door.

Now dates don't need to be expensive or a big deal.  Anything that lets you have a chance to get to know the other person is a good date (ie not a movie).  And the great thing about dates is that they have a start and end time. 

But other than that, we girls aren't very picky, we just want real inexpensive dates that let us get to know you and have a start and end time.  That's all.

Then I was reading one of my textbooks about early childhood development and it was talking about how early childhood is from the ages of 0-8.  I found that rather interesting.  What happens to LDS boys and girls when they turn 8?  They are baptised.  We believe that they are then old enough and have learned enough to know basic right from wrong and to start making some of their own choices.  We believe that before the age of 8 children are learning right from wrong.  It was interesting reading about how important learning up to the age of 8 is in a secular world.  It made me think, "Hmm, I wonder if Joseph Smith was an Early Childhood Development major and realized how kids view the world before the age of 8?"  I don't think he did.  I believe that it was inspired revelation to a prophet of God from a God who is an Early Childhood Development major, who would realize the learning that takes place at such a young age.

Then I was reading in my parenting textbook about the three styles of parenting, Authoritarian, Authoritative, and Permissive (Authoritative is the good one.)  I believe that I have Heavenly Parents, so I applied that to what I was learning and thought to myself, "Is Heavenly Father Authoritarian, Authoritative, and Permissive?"  Now of course the answer to this is "the gospel according to Kelsi" but the conclusion I came to is that He has to be Authoritative.  Think about it.  He isn't authoritarian because he gave us our agency, our ability to choose.  He doesn't force us to do anything.  And He explains why He wants us to do things (or why He doesn't want us to do things.)  But He isn't permissive either.  While we have the ability to make choices, we do not have the ability to choose the consequences, and He let's us know what the consequences are.  He is an authoritative parent.  He sets down clear guidlines of what He would have us do, He explains the "why?" behind most of it, and He keeps an honest open relationship with us (if we choose to accept that relationship and put forth the effort required.)  He truely cares about us and if we slow down long enough to listen, He will let us know that.

Anyway, that's my long ramble of the night of what I've been paying to learn in college.  I hope I didn't bore you too much.  :)

The difference between Boys, Guys, and Men

I don't pretend to be an expert on males or on dating, but there are a few things I have observed.  Most of the "male species" can be separated into three categories (oh no, my biology background is coming back to me, dang classification) Boys, Guys, and Men.

• Boys - noun - 1. A male who is young, not an adult yet.

                                2. An immature male.
                               
                                3. Usually scared of females.  Refuses to date.

• Guys - noun - 1. A teenager or young adult.

                                2. An immature man

                                 3. Fun to hang around with, but you'll never get a commitment out of him.  Some may date but you know deep down that it'll never really go anywhere.  Some choose not to date because they don't want to spend money on "somebody else's wife." Examples of "Guys": Mr. Whickam from Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Frank Churchill from Emma, and Mr. Henry Crawford from Mansfield Park.

• Men - noun -  1. An adult male

                                2. A mature man.

                                3. Will actually date.  Have "eternal companion potential." Examples of "Men": Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley from Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Knightly from Emma, Edmund from Mansfield Park, Colonel Brandon and Mr. Ferrars from Sense and Sensibility, and Mr. Tilney from Northanger Abbey.

Now all males shift somewhere on the spectrum between boy and man.  But some spend more time on one side or the other.  When I was younger I found that there were a lot of boys around.  Now that I'm in college I've found a lot of guys.  But I've heard rumors of a place "The Great-White North" where there actually Men to be found!!  I don't know if I actually believe in such a place, it's so unbelieveable, but it's kinda cool to think about.  Maybe someday I'll go to the "Great White North."

Selling Back Books Has Never Been So Good.

Today I sold some of my books to several different people.  Which is good of course, because I could use the money (my money tree died a long time ago.)  But what was extra great was that one of them was this cute guy, RM, just off his mission, who was super friendly.  We might hang out later this week.  I'm definitely saving his number.  I think I should have started selling back my books to cute guys a lot sooner.   Hmm, who would've thought this small town would have such potential.

Let's just say that I was enchanted to meet this guy.

Back to School

I'm back up in my little college town. 

I've missed it.

Well, I've missed some of it. 

School starts back up on Tomorrow.

That means homework starts soon.

Ugh, homework.

And I get to start job searching.

But I also get to hang out with my awesome roommates.

So I guess I shouldn't complain.

And there are some new boys in my ward.

Cute boys.

So we'll see what happens.

:)