"Does this needle make my blood seem thick?" and other concerns

When you go to the hospital as often as I do you learn things about your body that you couldn't learn otherwise. Nurses and doctors often make comments about my body that I'm not exactly sure how to take like:

• "You have really thick tissue." Umm, what exactly does that mean? What tissue are you talking about? Fat tissue? Skin tissue? Vein tissue? Do I need to do something about my thick tissue? Or is that just your excuse for not being able to start an IV? Is that why needles hurt me so badly?

• "You have veins that roll, are a mile deep, and shrink." Umm, I'm sorry my veins suck. I didn't even know that my body was a mile deep ;). What would you like me to do to fix these problems? I've asked my veins to stay still, come to the surface, and stay big; so far they haven't complied. When I design my next body I'll request good veins and thin tissue ;) Once again I can't help but wonder if this is really my fault or if you just suck at your job.

• "Wow your jugular vein doesn't go all the way down to your heart on this side!" Yet again God decided to play a cruel trick on my doctors and nurses and not place veins where they are supposed to be.

• "Your port moves, is slanted, is almost impossible to access, and clots over easily. It's probably because the surgeon placed it in breast tissue not "other" tissue and you have so many platelets in your blood." I'm sorry that I have big boobs and the surgeon chose to place my port near them (and near my heart which I think was the actual goal). And I'm sorry I have a blood disorder that causes my blood to break down quickly and causes me to have a high platelet count. Dang genetics - they ruin everything ;). How would you like me to fix these problems?

• "Your blood is really thick today." Umm, is that a good thing or a bad thing? What effects the thickness of my blood? Is that the thick tissue you were talking about?

• "You have lots of scar tissue." What can I say, you weren't the first person to try to poke me there and you probably won't be the last.

I guess that's the difficult thing about having an imperfect body it makes things difficult for the doctors and nurses to do their job. It's not their fault my body is so difficult. But it's not my fault either. So I can't blame them and they can't blame me.

Boys vs. Guys vs. Men (Part Two)

A year and a half ago, I wrote a post talking about the difference between boys, guys, and men based mainly off of Jane Austen novels, my own limited observations of the "male species", and a deep discussion with my beloved roommates.  I feel like I've learned more about men and the making of men in the past month at EFY than I had in my whole entire life.

Boys: Most 14-15 year old and some 16-18 year old boys fall under the category of "boy", immature, obnoxious, and scared but not about to let anyone see that side.

Guys: Most 16-18 year old, a few 14 year old boys, and a few counselors would be considered "guys", fun to hang out with, think they are so cool, and think that they know everything.

Men: Most EFY counselor are MEN in every sense of the word.  They are responsible, mature, fun, and spiritual giants. Men respect women and treat them like queens and men love the Lord and put Him first.  I have never met so many men in my life as I have as an EFY counselor.  I have never felt so respected.  I feel better about myself when I'm around these men.  And I can tell these men love the Lord and they love all those that they are around.  And these men have such a tremendous effect for good.  These men transform these boys and guys around them into men in less than a week.  I've seen it happen every week.  These boys and guys learn what a real man is like and how to become one.  These boys and guys learn how to treat women.  And these boys, guys, and men are lifting all the girls and women they are around and helping them to become better.

Basically this is a big thank you to all of my lovely co-counselor's and to all the other male counselor's I've encountered the past few weeks.  You men are so awesome!!

Just so you know these men aren't the only men I've ever encountered.  My dad is an awesome man and he has taught my brother to become an awesome man as well.  I especially got to witness last week on our family vacation.  I also have awesome grandfather's, uncle's, and cousins who are great men as well.  And this past year I have gotten to know the awesome men that are in my ward.

Thanks you men for lifting me up and making me want to become a better person.

You Keep Using That Word . . . I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

I feel like I need to do a little bit of clarifying about my last two posts.

You see I used the word "dying" a lot and I feel like I need to define what I meant by this choice of words.  

Dying usually means "nigh unto death" or the process of no longer living.  Sometimes teenagers use it in reference to really wanting something like "I'm just dying to see that new movie".  When I use the word dying like I did in my past two posts, I mean it more like "feeling like crap" not so much like actual death.

And when I talked about my heart killing me, I'm referring to about twenty years in the future and only if we don't treat the iron overload that will cause death.  The good news is that we are treating that iron overload.  So my heart really isn't going to kill me.  I'm not planning my funeral.  I hope you won't plan my funeral anytime soon. I am planning to live until I am 80.  Unless the world really ends with the Mayan calendar.  Then we're all done with.

Sometimes I'm just a little sarcastic and a little overly dramatic.  And sometimes I write things to process my life.  So I hope I didn't scare anyone too bad.

I was just trying to tell a good story.  :)

So I'm having some thoughts... that I would like to share with you...

I want to eat these pears!  (Just kidding)

I consider myself to be a country girl.  Now I know some in my family would laugh at this statement because I didn't grow up in Small Town, USA or Smaller Town, USA :) I've lived in the "suburbs" (I guess you'd call them that?) my whole life; I'm not a huge fan of the great out doors (I can stand it in small increments); I'm kind of allergic to Small Town, USA; I don't own any animals; and I've only been to one demolition derby in my entire life.  But I love visiting Small Town, USA; I LOVE country music (it's the music that I feel closest describes my life); I'm currently living in a small town,  and my roots are very country.  So while I'm probably more of a "wannabe country girl" I am a country girl nonetheless (in my own eyes at least). 

When I transfer to the U of U I will be moving to a big city (at least it's what I consider a big city, I mean SLC is no NY or DC but it's probably the biggest city in Utah, I guess it's all realitive right?)  I don't exactly consider myself a city girl, but I've got this crazy idea in my head that maybe it would be fun to live somewhere like New York or Washington DC or London or Boston.  I realized that this is going to be my chance to see how much I like "city life."  I absolutely LOVED the week I spent in Washington DC about two years ago.  I felt so legit getting on and off the metro, surrounded by business men and women getting off places like the Pentagon or George Washington University.  I picked up on the vibe of the metro, you don't talk to anyone, you listen to your ipod and type away on your laptop or read the newspaper.  I loved walking around the city.  But actually living in a big city and visiting a big city are two entirely different things. So we'll see.  Maybe I'm more of a city girl than I think.  I'm definitely not the high fashion, high matientince city girl, but maybe I could actually live there.   Only time will tell.

The difference between Boys, Guys, and Men

I don't pretend to be an expert on males or on dating, but there are a few things I have observed.  Most of the "male species" can be separated into three categories (oh no, my biology background is coming back to me, dang classification) Boys, Guys, and Men.

• Boys - noun - 1. A male who is young, not an adult yet.

                                2. An immature male.
                               
                                3. Usually scared of females.  Refuses to date.

• Guys - noun - 1. A teenager or young adult.

                                2. An immature man

                                 3. Fun to hang around with, but you'll never get a commitment out of him.  Some may date but you know deep down that it'll never really go anywhere.  Some choose not to date because they don't want to spend money on "somebody else's wife." Examples of "Guys": Mr. Whickam from Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Frank Churchill from Emma, and Mr. Henry Crawford from Mansfield Park.

• Men - noun -  1. An adult male

                                2. A mature man.

                                3. Will actually date.  Have "eternal companion potential." Examples of "Men": Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley from Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Knightly from Emma, Edmund from Mansfield Park, Colonel Brandon and Mr. Ferrars from Sense and Sensibility, and Mr. Tilney from Northanger Abbey.

Now all males shift somewhere on the spectrum between boy and man.  But some spend more time on one side or the other.  When I was younger I found that there were a lot of boys around.  Now that I'm in college I've found a lot of guys.  But I've heard rumors of a place "The Great-White North" where there actually Men to be found!!  I don't know if I actually believe in such a place, it's so unbelieveable, but it's kinda cool to think about.  Maybe someday I'll go to the "Great White North."