Wall of Gratitude

Every year during the month of November for the past three years, my roommates and I have put up a "Wall of Gratitude".  This wall of sticky notes serves as reminder of all the things we have been blessed with and gives us an opportunity to express our gratitude.  It becomes a game to a certain extent.  We usually keep it up throughout Christmas to remind us about all of the wonderful things in life.  Well it's only October and I don't have any roommates this year, but I want to start my "Wall of Gratitude".  I am challenging myself for the next two months to find something everyday to be grateful for and to express that gratitude.  If it's a long story I feel like sharing about my gratitude, I'll share it on here.  If it's a quick thought, I'll share it on Facebook.  I also will take the time to write private and personal notes of gratitude to those in my life to whom I owe a debt of gratitude.  Which is most of the people in my life.

My first "sticky note of gratitude" goes to my Heavenly Father.  Of course I always owe him and feel grateful for the life He has granted me, the world He allows me to live in, and the family and friends He has blessed me with.  But today I am feeling particularly grateful for His guidance in my life for a particular reason.

Today I found out that starting in January 2014, because of some new government regulations, Child Life Interns will have to be either affiliated with a college or paid in order to do their internship that is required to become certified.  Because of this, if I didn't have my internship that I have today, I wouldn't be able to do my internship, because I am unaffiliated with any college and let's face it, they're never gonna pay interns.  I got this internship at the perfect time.

Flash back to two years ago.  As my EFY participants and close friends and family know, I was debating on going on a mission.  I really, really wanted to go on a mission.  I had a mile long list on why it was a good idea for me to go on a mission.  I had wanted to go since I was eleven years old. I had been told by many people I would be a really good missionary, and I believed them. I thought it would be an awesome experience.   But I had never asked my Heavenly Father about it.  This time of year two years ago I started to really ask Heavenly Father about my plan to go on a mission.  I told him how much I wanted to go.  But I got an answer of "No."  I didn't understand it.  I argued with Heavenly Father, telling Him that it was a good thing that I wanted.  I fluctuated back and forth about going on a mission for two months.

Finally I had a really great friend tell me about her experience as an EFY counselor.  I felt really strongly that I should apply to be an EFY counselor. So I did.  And long story short, on some long shot, I became an EFY counselor.  That opportunity was the best two summers of my life.

My decision to not go on a mission has still been a difficult one.  As I watched the age drop and watched many friends and my younger brother going on missions, I wondered if I was missing something, if I had made the right choice.  I watched women my age who had gone on missions as they came back and these women were incredible.  I wondered if I could ever reach their spiritual level.  I wondered if I had missed out on my chance.

Through an incredible EFY miracle, I got an internship out in PA for this fall.  I am exactly where I need to be.  If I had gone with my plan for my life and gone on a mission, an internship would've been so much harder for me to get.  I would have missed this awesome opportunity.  I would have missed the opportunity to work with so many amazing youth and make amazing friends.

I am so glad that Heavenly Father told me "No."  I couldn't understand it two years ago, or even one year ago.  But Heavenly Father had a specific plan for me.  He had something that for me was better than a mission.  I know that Heavenly Father wants me to be a Child Life Specialist.  I don't know why, but I know he does.  I know that He wants me to live in Pennsylvania right now.  I don't know why, I just know he does.  I'm excited to see how other pieces of my life and His plan for me work out.  I know that Heavenly Father has guided me so far, and I know that He will continue to guide me to where I need to be.

If you don't know why you are where you are or why Heavenly Father gave you an answer that you didn't want or what Heavenly Father wants you to do with your life, just know this.  Heavenly Father does have a plan for you.  You may not understand it.  It may be difficult.  It may be different than what you would plan for yourself.  But the peace that comes from living your plan and knowing that you are where Heavenly Father wants you is worth the difficulty.  Heavenly Father loves you and knows you better than you know your self.

Lexington, VA

We went on a day trip yesterday to Lexington.  There we saw VMI (the Virginia Military Institute), Stonewall Jackson's Cemetery, and ate at Macado's Restaurant.  The VMI is a beautiful school that looks like it's a cross between a prison and a castle.  We visited a chapel on the campus that was located above the schools museum.  I didn't take any pictures because I didn't want to be disrespectful but it was beautiful. There was a huge painting of soldiers in battle above the stage.  I thumbed through the hymnals and the prayer books left in the pews.  It was very cool to see.  The museum was cool to see as well, with more paintings and a display of huge class rings.
Then we went Stonewall Jackson's cemetery.  The cemetery was very beautiful with huge trees and old tombstones.  For a little background on Stonewall Jackson, he was one of the generals for the Civil War and is arguably one of the best US was generals ever.  (You know, except for the fact he was on the wrong side...)  Another fun fact, his arm is buried at a farm house near the battlefield where he died.  It was amputated eight days before he died.  He was killed by friendly fire.  He ate lots of fruit and one historian argues his favorite fruit was lemons.  People still leave lemons at his grave, although evidence now shows they weren't his favorite fruit.

I thought it was really interesting that there would still be Confederate flags hanging through out the cemetery.

Stonewall Jackson and the Confederate flags and lemons left at his grave.

Close up of lemon and Confederate flag.

"He did what he had to do for where he was"

We ate at Macado's which was super yummy.  It's a local sandwich shop that has a huge menu full of yummy foods like the Mona Lisa, the Titantic, and the Julius Cesar.  It was super fun to see.

I'm Feeling 22

Not A Lot Going On At The Moment:

I just graduated college

And Institute (woot woot).

Just turned in my internship applications.

I'm currently on my way to Arizona for a week and a half to hang out with three of the coolest kids ever (and occassionally their parents).

I have EFY for eight weeks this summer, four of which are in Virginia.

Who knows where I'll be in four months.

Oh and it's my birthday.

No big deal.

22 Lyrics:

It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters

And make fun of our exes, 

ah ah, ah ah

It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight

To fall in love with strangers, ah ah, ah ah

Yeah we're happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time

It's miserable and magical oh yeah

Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines, it's time

Uh oh, I don't know about you but I'm feeling 22

Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you

You don't know about me but I bet you want too

Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22, 22

It seems like one of those nights, this place is too crowded

Too many cool kids, (who's Taylor Swift anyway? ew) ah ah, ah ah

It seems like one of those nights we ditch the whole scene

And end up dreaming instead of sleeping

Yeah we're happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way

It's miserable and magical oh yeah

Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks, it's time

Uh oh, I don't know about you but I'm feeling 22

Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you

You don't know about me but I bet you want too

Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22. 22
(I don't know about you) 22, 22

It feels like one of those nights, we ditch the whole scene

It feels like one of those nights, we won't be sleeping

It feels like one of those nights, you look like bad news

I gotta have you, I gotta have you
Oh, Oh, Yeah

I don't know about you but I'm feeling 22

Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you

You don't know about me but I bet you want too

Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22. 22
22, 22 (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

It feels like one of those nights, we ditch the whole scene

It feels like one of those nights, we won't be sleeping

It feels like one of those nights, you look like bad news

I gotta have you, I gotta have you

(Please forgive me and my immaturity in this post.  You know, the changing of the font, the colors, the overuse of bold and italics.  I know it's distracting and looks like a twelve year old wrote it. But it's my birthday and I went overboard.  And can you tell how old I am turning?  I feel like I wasn't obvious enough.  It happens. I'm over it.)

"Living In The Moment"

I absolutely love Jason Mraz.  I stumbled across across one of his new songs "Living in the Moment" while listening this playlist on Songza and I immediately pressed the thumbs up button, googled the lyrics to this song, and added the song on Spotify. (Random tangent: It's pretty ridiculous just how many different ways it is to listen to music now.  You'd think between my CD's, car radio, iTunes, Pandora, last.fm, Grooveshark, Youtube, Songza, Spotify,  and my iPhone which has access to most of these music mediums, I'd have enough ways to listen to any song I want whenever I want.  And you'd probably be right.  But should it really take so many different avenues to get music?  I think it's slightly ridiculous, but I've pretty much almost always got at least one of them playing. I may be slightly addicted. I wonder if that's healthy?  But I digress.) Just ask my mother, this song is exactly what I need right now.  This past month have been absolutely insane and I have a feeling the next few months are going to be even crazier.  Now most of the madness has actually been very positive and I am so grateful for the opportunities that have been presented in my life right now.  But as good as they have been, they have also been stressful and I've been feeling really anxious, which I know is not healthy.  I know that I need to "run and hide my crazy and start acting like a lady" and "I wish I could be just a little less dramatic" (Miranda Lambert, "Mama's Broken Heart").  This song helps me to be a little less crazy and dramatic.  Jason Mraz is a genius, there isn't a song of his that I have heard that I haven't loved.  This song is like a grown up version of "Hakuna Mata"  which is perfect because I love that song but I'm not so good at having "no worries for the rest of my days."  But I'm going to try to be better at living in the moment with no worries.

Enjoy!

Video:

Lyrics:

If this life is one act 

Why do we lay all these traps 

We put 'em right in our path 

When we just wanna be free 

I will not waste my days 

Making up all kinds of ways 

To worry about all things 

That will not happen to me 

So I just let go of what I know I don't know 

And I know I'll only do this by 

Living in the moment 

Living my life 

Easy and breezy 

With peace in my mind 

With peace in my heart 

Peace in my soul 

Wherever I'm going, I'm already home 

Living in the moment 

I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done 

I let my past go past 

And now I'm having more fun 

I'm letting go of the thoughts 

That do not make me strong 

And I believe this way can be the same for everyone 

And if I fall asleep 

I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me 

To live in the moment 

To live my life 

Easy and breezy 

With peace in my mind 

With peace in my heart 

With peace in my soul 

Wherever I'm going, I'm already home 

I can't walk through life facing backwards 

I have tried 

I tried more than once to just make sure 

And I was denied the future I'd been searching for 

But I spun around and searched no more 

By living in the moment 

Living my life 

Easy and breezy 

With peace in my mind 

With peace in my heart 

With peace in my soul 

Wherever I'm going, I'm already home 

I'm living in the moment 

I'm living my life 

Just taking it easy 

With peace in my mind 

I got peace in my heart 

I got peace in my soul 

Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home 

I'm living in the moment 

I'm living my life 

Oh, easy and breezy 

With peace in my mind 

I got peace in my heart 

I got peace in my soul 

Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home 

I'm living in the moment

"Does this needle make my blood seem thick?" and other concerns

When you go to the hospital as often as I do you learn things about your body that you couldn't learn otherwise. Nurses and doctors often make comments about my body that I'm not exactly sure how to take like:

• "You have really thick tissue." Umm, what exactly does that mean? What tissue are you talking about? Fat tissue? Skin tissue? Vein tissue? Do I need to do something about my thick tissue? Or is that just your excuse for not being able to start an IV? Is that why needles hurt me so badly?

• "You have veins that roll, are a mile deep, and shrink." Umm, I'm sorry my veins suck. I didn't even know that my body was a mile deep ;). What would you like me to do to fix these problems? I've asked my veins to stay still, come to the surface, and stay big; so far they haven't complied. When I design my next body I'll request good veins and thin tissue ;) Once again I can't help but wonder if this is really my fault or if you just suck at your job.

• "Wow your jugular vein doesn't go all the way down to your heart on this side!" Yet again God decided to play a cruel trick on my doctors and nurses and not place veins where they are supposed to be.

• "Your port moves, is slanted, is almost impossible to access, and clots over easily. It's probably because the surgeon placed it in breast tissue not "other" tissue and you have so many platelets in your blood." I'm sorry that I have big boobs and the surgeon chose to place my port near them (and near my heart which I think was the actual goal). And I'm sorry I have a blood disorder that causes my blood to break down quickly and causes me to have a high platelet count. Dang genetics - they ruin everything ;). How would you like me to fix these problems?

• "Your blood is really thick today." Umm, is that a good thing or a bad thing? What effects the thickness of my blood? Is that the thick tissue you were talking about?

• "You have lots of scar tissue." What can I say, you weren't the first person to try to poke me there and you probably won't be the last.

I guess that's the difficult thing about having an imperfect body it makes things difficult for the doctors and nurses to do their job. It's not their fault my body is so difficult. But it's not my fault either. So I can't blame them and they can't blame me.

Called To Serve

This weekend I went home for my little brother's LDS mission farewell ("little" doesn't describe him very well anymore, he's taller than I am now, younger would be a more accurate description, but I've been calling him my little brother forever).  It was a great weekend, definitely worth braving the fog and the snow to make it back home for Mason.  I was so glad so many of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins were able to make the five hour drive down especially with the weather.  It was great to be able to share this awesome occasion with them.  It was great to be able to hang Mason one last time before his mission to Ecuador.  And I was glad I was able to help my parents out a little bit with getting ready for brunch after Mason's talk.

The actual farewell was great.  The opening hymn was "Hark All Ye Nations" which immediately brought me back to EFY.  It was one of the songs that was part of musical program which I got to be apart of for two out of my six weeks.  It was one of my favorite songs in the program, although I really wasn't too familiar with it before that summer.  EFY last summer was all about missionary work, which was perfect for these kids who would soon hear about the new age requirements for missionary work.  Mason's talk was great, even though the night before I had distracted him from working on it by joking about movie quotes that he should put in the talk.  Movie quotes and jokes are how we bond.  It was my last chance to hang out with him.  After Mason finished bearing his testimony in Spanish he, my dad, the young men in our ward, and young men leaders sang "Called To Serve" another song dear to my heart because of EFY.  "Called To Serve" and "I Am A Child Of God" are the new EFY medly.  After Brother Duffin and Bishop Ence spoke and then we sang "God Be With You Till We Meet Again".  That song killed me.  I didn't even make it through the first verse before I started bawling.  My mom and dad saw me crying, so they started crying.  Both my grandmothers cried as well.  But I definitely cried the hardest.  I left as soon as the closing prayer was said, hoping to gain my composure while getting ready for the brunch.  In my hurry I lost my shoe, dumped my purse onto my foot and the accelerator while driving home, and got mud from the car all over my leg.  I was a mess.

We got home and I got through the brunch ok until I knew it was time I needed to go so I could beat the snow storm.  Then even the thought of saying good bye got me teary eyed.  I was sad I had to leave so soon, that I'm not coming back home sooner, that I won't be there to see Mason off to the airport.  I was sad that I had to drive five hours away.  I didn't want to say good bye.  I felt bad that everyone was around when I said bye.  I couldn't stop crying.  My family was great, loving, and supportive, sharing their own experiences of saying good bye to brothers, reminding me why it was good for Mason to be going on a mission and I appreciated their love, advice, and caring.  I wasn't crying because I didn't think Mason should go on a mission.  I was crying because I was going to miss him and I wanted more time with him.  We're finally friends.(It's days like today that make me regret what a brat I was during the first eighteen years of my life, especially towards Mason.)  I don't want him to leave me but I do think he should go.  He's not even really leaving for another couple weeks and I've been missing him since the beginning of January.  It just all came to a head today.  And I couldn't stop crying.  We hugged like three times.  We made my aunts cry.  Mason's friends kind of laughed at my crying.  I told them to shut up.   Mason and I said good bye and I drove away.

And I cried all the way until we (my grandmother and I) reached Cedar City.

And then I cried intermittently until we reached Fillmore.

Grandma just kept handing me tissues.

And then I cried while writing this blog post. (Writing this blog post while listening to "Cat's In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin, "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins, "Don't Forget To Remember Me" by Carrie Underwood, and "Daniel" by Elton John didn't help with the crying.)

And I'll probably cry all the way through February too.

I keep thinking of the quote from the movie The Other Side Of Heaven where the dad says "I don't know anyone in Tonga well enough to love them, and send them my son, but I guess God does."  That basically sums up how I feel right now, I don't know anyone in Ecuador well enough to love them and send them my brother but I guess God does.

Mason's going to be a great missionary.  He's naturally friendly and social (much more friendly and social than I ever have been.)  He's smart, a hard worker, and he has a great testimony of the gospel.  And I'm sure he'll keep his companions and investigators laughing.  Mason is very caring and loving as well.  I'm happy and excited for him and the people of Ecuador. I'm just sad for me. Because I'm going to miss my friend.

Dear BYU,

Christ wore University of Utah colors.

 

That is all.

Rapunzel and I

One of the great things about EFY is that it gave me cause to look at myself in a different light.  I wanted to let my kids know why I'm jaundice, but I wanted a fun and positive way to explain it.  So I thought of something brilliant.  I would tell my kids that my skin glows like Rapunzel's hair in Tangled.  It worked for them, for my fellow counselors, and even for me.  The past four weeks when I've told people they've been like "It's so true, you glow."  It's so much better to be told that you glow rather than looking at yourself like an ugly neon light.  And as we discussed the theme Arise and Shine and how these kids can get the glow of the Spirit by living the gospel I realized that "glowing" is a good thing.  I'm glad to "glow".

Boys vs. Guys vs. Men (Part Two)

A year and a half ago, I wrote a post talking about the difference between boys, guys, and men based mainly off of Jane Austen novels, my own limited observations of the "male species", and a deep discussion with my beloved roommates.  I feel like I've learned more about men and the making of men in the past month at EFY than I had in my whole entire life.

Boys: Most 14-15 year old and some 16-18 year old boys fall under the category of "boy", immature, obnoxious, and scared but not about to let anyone see that side.

Guys: Most 16-18 year old, a few 14 year old boys, and a few counselors would be considered "guys", fun to hang out with, think they are so cool, and think that they know everything.

Men: Most EFY counselor are MEN in every sense of the word.  They are responsible, mature, fun, and spiritual giants. Men respect women and treat them like queens and men love the Lord and put Him first.  I have never met so many men in my life as I have as an EFY counselor.  I have never felt so respected.  I feel better about myself when I'm around these men.  And I can tell these men love the Lord and they love all those that they are around.  And these men have such a tremendous effect for good.  These men transform these boys and guys around them into men in less than a week.  I've seen it happen every week.  These boys and guys learn what a real man is like and how to become one.  These boys and guys learn how to treat women.  And these boys, guys, and men are lifting all the girls and women they are around and helping them to become better.

Basically this is a big thank you to all of my lovely co-counselor's and to all the other male counselor's I've encountered the past few weeks.  You men are so awesome!!

Just so you know these men aren't the only men I've ever encountered.  My dad is an awesome man and he has taught my brother to become an awesome man as well.  I especially got to witness last week on our family vacation.  I also have awesome grandfather's, uncle's, and cousins who are great men as well.  And this past year I have gotten to know the awesome men that are in my ward.

Thanks you men for lifting me up and making me want to become a better person.

Arise and Shine

Wow!!  I have learned and grown so much the past few weeks doing EFY. I have made many new friends and I've learned lots of parenting skills.  I have also learned to trust in the Lord and He has given me strength beyond my own to do the things that I need to do for my children at EFY. It's so awesome to see the change that happens in just a week with these kids as they learn to apply the gosple to their lives.  This whole experience has really strengthened my testimony too.  My girls strength amazes me, they all have so many hard things going on in their lives.

Not too mention that I feel so much more hip now.  I'm all up on what's cool with 14 - 15 and the 16 - 18 crowd.  I've learned a lot about the Bieb's and One Direction, COWs (crush of the week), and that apparently the music I grew up with in elementary school is cool again, especially Backstreet Boys and N'Sync!  It's pretty much awesome!!

These past few weeks have been some of the hardest weeks of my life.  I've gone to bed every night absolutely exhausted and woken up still exhausted.  But it's the best feeling ever.  I've felt tired for all sorts of reasons but the best tired is tired out from doing the work of the Lord with all your heart, might, mind, and strength.  Because of that these weeks have also been some of the best weeks of my life.  I have seen miracles.  And I can't wait for more EFY weeks.

Basically the moral of the story is that I have the best job ever in the history of best job's ever!!!

'Nuff said.  

Enjoy the pictures.  :)

Cute note from an unknown boy to all the girls at EFY.

The Celestial One's

My Celestial Girls

Amore Girls

My Co-Co Fonzie

My Co-Co Kelsey and I

Me and Fonzie

Josh and Kelsey

Amore!!

Holy Spiderman's Tooth Brush!

I'm blogging again!

It's been a while. I've finished another semester and started a new job. I turned 21 and celebrated in the Sunny South when my family.  I got my "adult" drivers license and I went to the temple with an old roommate.

I just finished Heaven Is Here by Stephanie Nielson and it's pretty much amazing, everyone should read it.  Now I'm about a third of the way through the first book of The Hunger Games but it's common knowledge that book is amazing.  I still haven't watched the movie yet.  I've also been reading The Emerald City of Oz which I think is probably one of the funniest books I have ever read.  My favorite part of that book is when the evil nome general is trying to get the Whimsies, strong creatures with tiny heads who wear huge fake heads made out of pasteboard, to join in his evil plot to capture a magic belt.  He tells them his plan which they agree to.  Then comes my favorite part of the book:

"One Whimsie alone seemed to have a glimmer of sense, for he asked: 'Suppose we fail to capture the Magic Belt? What will happen then, and What good will all our fighting do?' But they threw him into the river for asking foolish questions, and laughed when the water ruined his pasteboard head before he could swim out again."

I've been thinking a lot about attitude lately. There are some people who just naturally have a good attitude and are optimistic.  It doesn't matter if life dumps a butt-load-of-crap on them, their still happy and find the good in life.  And some people are really good at hiding their trials, at making it seem like nothing bad ever happens to them.  I'm not naturally like that, I'm pretty open about my problems and I have a tendency and if I get mad or frustrated I'm not good at hiding it.  I have to remind myself to use my filter.  Whether I'm mad about politics, network TV, personal stuff or whatever other random things I get upset about, everybody doesn't need to know about it all the time and life's still good even when things aren't perfect.  I'm trying to give myself an attitude adjustment and I'm trying to learn to be as happy and optimistic as so many people that I know who I so admire.

The chorus of Kelly Clarkson's newest song "Stronger" pretty much explains how I feel about life.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone"

And I've pretty much been OBSESSED with anything and everything to do with Mr. Alex Goot and Mr. Chad Sugg.  Seriously. OBSESSED. I spend hours listening to their covers, their original songs, and watching their vlogs while working on homework, studying, filling out paper work, chilling at the hospital getting my blood sucked out of me, and just chilling doing nothing.  It was hard to pick a favorite to share on the blog, but I absolutely love their cover of Call Me Maybe.  It's way better than the original.  But I also love What Makes You Beautiful, Wizards (love the Harry Potter reference), Pumped Up Kicks, and Stereo Hearts (how many guys can pull of singing in a spider man costume and use star wars references and still make me want to marry them?  not many!).  I can't decide who I love more, Alex or Chad.  I pretty much just want to marry both of them.

And yes, I've shared this video on Facebook, Pinterest, and now my blog.  I'm slightly obsessed.  

(If any of those boys gave me their number, I would call them.  And it's true, all the girls want their babies.)

Community has been renewed (even if it is just for a short season)! Cool.  Cool cool cool.