Things I Haven't Posted Yet

It's been a while since I've blogged.  I guess I've been too busy living to blog.  Which is definitely a good thing.  Anyway, here are the updates:

• I went to Arizona and was a mother for a week and a half to three children.  What a crazy week and a half!  But I'm so glad that I got to hang out with Sabrina and her adorable children!
• I have been working EFY this summer.  I worked three weeks in Utah and I'm now in Virginia for four weeks!
• I will be moving to Pennsylvania to do a Child Life internship (in the middle of nowhere) sometime in August or September (date still up in the air).  Getting that internship was an EFY miracle.  And it is obviously where I need to be now.
• I love Virginia.  It's so green and beautiful.  And the fireflies!  Oh the fireflies! I am officially obsessed with fireflies!  I had no idea what I was missing but I'm like a little kid when I see fireflies!  And the food!  Oh the yummy, huge portioned, unhealthy food that tastes like a sinful heaven!  I love it!  I'm going to be so fat at the end of this month.  Except for the huge hill (mountain?) that I have to climb several times a day to get back to my dorms.
• And yes I've been wearing yellow all summer.  And I wore a bright pink sparkly headband today.  It's a strange world we live in.

Now for picture overload:

Mother's Day 2013

I'm pretty sure that I call my mom (and dad) for help and love and support and advice more often now, as a college graduate than I did as a freshman in college.  I would be nowhere without my mom helping to calm me down when I'm anxious or to help me feel happier when I'm feeling sad.  I have loved Taylor Swift's song "Best Day" ever since I first heard it, but I don't see it here on my blog.  This song makes me think of Mom, Dad, and Mason.  It's perfect.

Lyrics:
I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat onI
 hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
But I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than I am
I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
For staying back and watching me shine
And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say
That I had the best day with you today

Read more: TAYLOR SWIFT - THE BEST DAY LYRICS

I love you Mom!  Wish I could be there today!

Called To Serve

This weekend I went home for my little brother's LDS mission farewell ("little" doesn't describe him very well anymore, he's taller than I am now, younger would be a more accurate description, but I've been calling him my little brother forever).  It was a great weekend, definitely worth braving the fog and the snow to make it back home for Mason.  I was so glad so many of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins were able to make the five hour drive down especially with the weather.  It was great to be able to share this awesome occasion with them.  It was great to be able to hang Mason one last time before his mission to Ecuador.  And I was glad I was able to help my parents out a little bit with getting ready for brunch after Mason's talk.

The actual farewell was great.  The opening hymn was "Hark All Ye Nations" which immediately brought me back to EFY.  It was one of the songs that was part of musical program which I got to be apart of for two out of my six weeks.  It was one of my favorite songs in the program, although I really wasn't too familiar with it before that summer.  EFY last summer was all about missionary work, which was perfect for these kids who would soon hear about the new age requirements for missionary work.  Mason's talk was great, even though the night before I had distracted him from working on it by joking about movie quotes that he should put in the talk.  Movie quotes and jokes are how we bond.  It was my last chance to hang out with him.  After Mason finished bearing his testimony in Spanish he, my dad, the young men in our ward, and young men leaders sang "Called To Serve" another song dear to my heart because of EFY.  "Called To Serve" and "I Am A Child Of God" are the new EFY medly.  After Brother Duffin and Bishop Ence spoke and then we sang "God Be With You Till We Meet Again".  That song killed me.  I didn't even make it through the first verse before I started bawling.  My mom and dad saw me crying, so they started crying.  Both my grandmothers cried as well.  But I definitely cried the hardest.  I left as soon as the closing prayer was said, hoping to gain my composure while getting ready for the brunch.  In my hurry I lost my shoe, dumped my purse onto my foot and the accelerator while driving home, and got mud from the car all over my leg.  I was a mess.

We got home and I got through the brunch ok until I knew it was time I needed to go so I could beat the snow storm.  Then even the thought of saying good bye got me teary eyed.  I was sad I had to leave so soon, that I'm not coming back home sooner, that I won't be there to see Mason off to the airport.  I was sad that I had to drive five hours away.  I didn't want to say good bye.  I felt bad that everyone was around when I said bye.  I couldn't stop crying.  My family was great, loving, and supportive, sharing their own experiences of saying good bye to brothers, reminding me why it was good for Mason to be going on a mission and I appreciated their love, advice, and caring.  I wasn't crying because I didn't think Mason should go on a mission.  I was crying because I was going to miss him and I wanted more time with him.  We're finally friends.(It's days like today that make me regret what a brat I was during the first eighteen years of my life, especially towards Mason.)  I don't want him to leave me but I do think he should go.  He's not even really leaving for another couple weeks and I've been missing him since the beginning of January.  It just all came to a head today.  And I couldn't stop crying.  We hugged like three times.  We made my aunts cry.  Mason's friends kind of laughed at my crying.  I told them to shut up.   Mason and I said good bye and I drove away.

And I cried all the way until we (my grandmother and I) reached Cedar City.

And then I cried intermittently until we reached Fillmore.

Grandma just kept handing me tissues.

And then I cried while writing this blog post. (Writing this blog post while listening to "Cat's In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin, "You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins, "Don't Forget To Remember Me" by Carrie Underwood, and "Daniel" by Elton John didn't help with the crying.)

And I'll probably cry all the way through February too.

I keep thinking of the quote from the movie The Other Side Of Heaven where the dad says "I don't know anyone in Tonga well enough to love them, and send them my son, but I guess God does."  That basically sums up how I feel right now, I don't know anyone in Ecuador well enough to love them and send them my brother but I guess God does.

Mason's going to be a great missionary.  He's naturally friendly and social (much more friendly and social than I ever have been.)  He's smart, a hard worker, and he has a great testimony of the gospel.  And I'm sure he'll keep his companions and investigators laughing.  Mason is very caring and loving as well.  I'm happy and excited for him and the people of Ecuador. I'm just sad for me. Because I'm going to miss my friend.

Boys vs. Guys vs. Men (Part Two)

A year and a half ago, I wrote a post talking about the difference between boys, guys, and men based mainly off of Jane Austen novels, my own limited observations of the "male species", and a deep discussion with my beloved roommates.  I feel like I've learned more about men and the making of men in the past month at EFY than I had in my whole entire life.

Boys: Most 14-15 year old and some 16-18 year old boys fall under the category of "boy", immature, obnoxious, and scared but not about to let anyone see that side.

Guys: Most 16-18 year old, a few 14 year old boys, and a few counselors would be considered "guys", fun to hang out with, think they are so cool, and think that they know everything.

Men: Most EFY counselor are MEN in every sense of the word.  They are responsible, mature, fun, and spiritual giants. Men respect women and treat them like queens and men love the Lord and put Him first.  I have never met so many men in my life as I have as an EFY counselor.  I have never felt so respected.  I feel better about myself when I'm around these men.  And I can tell these men love the Lord and they love all those that they are around.  And these men have such a tremendous effect for good.  These men transform these boys and guys around them into men in less than a week.  I've seen it happen every week.  These boys and guys learn what a real man is like and how to become one.  These boys and guys learn how to treat women.  And these boys, guys, and men are lifting all the girls and women they are around and helping them to become better.

Basically this is a big thank you to all of my lovely co-counselor's and to all the other male counselor's I've encountered the past few weeks.  You men are so awesome!!

Just so you know these men aren't the only men I've ever encountered.  My dad is an awesome man and he has taught my brother to become an awesome man as well.  I especially got to witness last week on our family vacation.  I also have awesome grandfather's, uncle's, and cousins who are great men as well.  And this past year I have gotten to know the awesome men that are in my ward.

Thanks you men for lifting me up and making me want to become a better person.

Another Late Night

I'm up late again, chilling in the stairwell, making sure none of the EFY Friday night lock down "prisoners" don't escape.  The keys are collected, damage reports completed, I'm listening to my Walt Disney Pandora channel, reading some General Conference talks, finishing up my tenth journal and beginning my eleventh journal.  I love EFY. It's weird to think that I'm not going to be doing this for another three weeks.  EFY has consumed my life this past month and I've loved it.  I'm exhausted and I could use a break, but part of me really doesn't want a break.  It's so cool to actually be making a difference by what I'm doing.  Even if I just touch one or two lives for good, it's so worth it.  I love going to bed exhausted because I've been serving others and my Savior.  And bringing these girls and boys closer to Him has brought me closer to Him.  I've made some awesome friends.  I've learned what it means to be truly respected by men and I've learned what it looks like when a man loves the Lord with all his heart.  I've learned that I need to learn how to work in a partnership better.  I've learned that I hate disciplining people, even when it's necessary and in their best interests.  I've learned that people get scared when you threaten to go all "Lamanite mother" on them.  I've been able to glimpse Heavenly Father's love for these kids.  I've learned how much I've learned over the past seven years of my life.  I've learned a lot since I was fourteen.  And when I'm twenty eight I'll be like "I've learned a lot since I was twenty one."  I want my kids to know that life gets better than it is at fourteen.  It really truly does.

Arise and Shine

Wow!!  I have learned and grown so much the past few weeks doing EFY. I have made many new friends and I've learned lots of parenting skills.  I have also learned to trust in the Lord and He has given me strength beyond my own to do the things that I need to do for my children at EFY. It's so awesome to see the change that happens in just a week with these kids as they learn to apply the gosple to their lives.  This whole experience has really strengthened my testimony too.  My girls strength amazes me, they all have so many hard things going on in their lives.

Not too mention that I feel so much more hip now.  I'm all up on what's cool with 14 - 15 and the 16 - 18 crowd.  I've learned a lot about the Bieb's and One Direction, COWs (crush of the week), and that apparently the music I grew up with in elementary school is cool again, especially Backstreet Boys and N'Sync!  It's pretty much awesome!!

These past few weeks have been some of the hardest weeks of my life.  I've gone to bed every night absolutely exhausted and woken up still exhausted.  But it's the best feeling ever.  I've felt tired for all sorts of reasons but the best tired is tired out from doing the work of the Lord with all your heart, might, mind, and strength.  Because of that these weeks have also been some of the best weeks of my life.  I have seen miracles.  And I can't wait for more EFY weeks.

Basically the moral of the story is that I have the best job ever in the history of best job's ever!!!

'Nuff said.  

Enjoy the pictures.  :)

Cute note from an unknown boy to all the girls at EFY.

The Celestial One's

My Celestial Girls

Amore Girls

My Co-Co Fonzie

My Co-Co Kelsey and I

Me and Fonzie

Josh and Kelsey

Amore!!

Father's Day and Graduation

This post is kind of a combined tribute to my Dad for Father's Day and to my little (or not so little) brother who recently graduated and is soon to head off to college and then on to his mission.  Mason's spent a lifetime being told that he's just like dad.  And I think that's a good guy to be like.  :)  I was recently listening to Brad Paisley's "If He's Anything Like Me" and it made me think of both of them.  So I thought I'd share it.  :)

"He's gonna love me

And hate me along the way

The years are gonna fly by

And I already dread the day

He's gonna hug his mama, he's gonna shake my hand

He's gonna act like he can't wait to leave

But as he drives out he'll cry his eyes out

If he's anything like me

There's worst folks to be like, oh, he'll be alright

If he's anything like me" 

Happy Father's Day Dad!!

And Happy (late) Graduation Mason!!

Happy Mother's Day!

This video is the video I can imagine my dad making for my mom to celebrate Mother's Day when we were little, you know, if youtube had existed back then.  :)

And this is the song that I found for Mother's Day to share to show my Mom I love her!

Holy Spiderman's Tooth Brush!

I'm blogging again!

It's been a while. I've finished another semester and started a new job. I turned 21 and celebrated in the Sunny South when my family.  I got my "adult" drivers license and I went to the temple with an old roommate.

I just finished Heaven Is Here by Stephanie Nielson and it's pretty much amazing, everyone should read it.  Now I'm about a third of the way through the first book of The Hunger Games but it's common knowledge that book is amazing.  I still haven't watched the movie yet.  I've also been reading The Emerald City of Oz which I think is probably one of the funniest books I have ever read.  My favorite part of that book is when the evil nome general is trying to get the Whimsies, strong creatures with tiny heads who wear huge fake heads made out of pasteboard, to join in his evil plot to capture a magic belt.  He tells them his plan which they agree to.  Then comes my favorite part of the book:

"One Whimsie alone seemed to have a glimmer of sense, for he asked: 'Suppose we fail to capture the Magic Belt? What will happen then, and What good will all our fighting do?' But they threw him into the river for asking foolish questions, and laughed when the water ruined his pasteboard head before he could swim out again."

I've been thinking a lot about attitude lately. There are some people who just naturally have a good attitude and are optimistic.  It doesn't matter if life dumps a butt-load-of-crap on them, their still happy and find the good in life.  And some people are really good at hiding their trials, at making it seem like nothing bad ever happens to them.  I'm not naturally like that, I'm pretty open about my problems and I have a tendency and if I get mad or frustrated I'm not good at hiding it.  I have to remind myself to use my filter.  Whether I'm mad about politics, network TV, personal stuff or whatever other random things I get upset about, everybody doesn't need to know about it all the time and life's still good even when things aren't perfect.  I'm trying to give myself an attitude adjustment and I'm trying to learn to be as happy and optimistic as so many people that I know who I so admire.

The chorus of Kelly Clarkson's newest song "Stronger" pretty much explains how I feel about life.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone"

And I've pretty much been OBSESSED with anything and everything to do with Mr. Alex Goot and Mr. Chad Sugg.  Seriously. OBSESSED. I spend hours listening to their covers, their original songs, and watching their vlogs while working on homework, studying, filling out paper work, chilling at the hospital getting my blood sucked out of me, and just chilling doing nothing.  It was hard to pick a favorite to share on the blog, but I absolutely love their cover of Call Me Maybe.  It's way better than the original.  But I also love What Makes You Beautiful, Wizards (love the Harry Potter reference), Pumped Up Kicks, and Stereo Hearts (how many guys can pull of singing in a spider man costume and use star wars references and still make me want to marry them?  not many!).  I can't decide who I love more, Alex or Chad.  I pretty much just want to marry both of them.

And yes, I've shared this video on Facebook, Pinterest, and now my blog.  I'm slightly obsessed.  

(If any of those boys gave me their number, I would call them.  And it's true, all the girls want their babies.)

Community has been renewed (even if it is just for a short season)! Cool.  Cool cool cool.

Blog Stalker

I’ve made this confession before, but I feel it’s time for me to make it again.

I’m a blog stalker.

Some blogs I don’t feel too bad/creepy about stalking, because I know those people, their friends, family, and acquaintances I met once upon a time.  So I don’t feel so much like a “stalker” per say, more like I’m just keeping track of what’s going on with them.

But then there are the people who I’ve never met in my life who I blog stalk.  They’re kind of my guilty pleasure.  They’re the ones with perfect lives: beautiful, funny, and loving husbands; the cutest kids you’ve ever seen; who are so cute and crafty.  Some of them live in big cities, the kinds I’ve visited and fallen in love with.  There are some who live blissfully in happy valley.  There are some who live perfectly imperfect lives, the one’s who have had to overcome incredible challenges with their own health or with their children’s health, and manage to show the imperfection yet still make their lives seem perfection.  There are the one’s who wear the cutest clothes.  There are the one’s who can and do pull off red lipstick or fake eyelashes.  All the blogs I read have a faith component to them, most match my own faith but some are different.  I’ve never met these ladies.  Most are a little (or a lot) older than me.  All are in a completely different place in life than I am.  They all epitomize what I hope to become someday in a different way.  And I want to be all their best friends.  

"I'm Not Crazy, I'm Just Sensitive"

So you remember when I told you all that I had found a new obsession in Alex Goot.  Yeah it's a true story.         As a matter of fact I'm going to share another one of his music videos with you all.  Because I'm just kind like that and want to introduce you to amazing music.  I've had his song "Sensitivity" on replay today.  I don't know what it is about a gorgeous, nerdy guy who has a beautiful voice and sings sensitive, melancholy songs, but he absolutely melts my heart.  And the lyrics to this song are how I would describe my life this past week or two and how I hope it will go in the future.

"I don't even know the real me anymore
I can't even show how I feel
I hit the floor
I'm talking rock bottom
My feelings I fought 'em
I can't believe it's come to this
Cause I need a grip on reality

Now I wanna feel some sensitivity

I've been doing fine in my misery
Not crazy
I told them not to worry about me"

That Awkward Moment When You Realize That You're Holding Yourself Back

(This is another post I wrote a few months ago and never posted.)


The other day I was watching this TED talk about this girl who's leg's got amputated. And she was talking about how that was a good experience for her and how she learned to use her limits (not having legs) to propel her and make her into a better person.  I thought it was a nice heartwarming talk and then went to bed without thinking much about it.

And then I woke up the next morning and I had an epiphany.  I had a thought that hit me with so much force and made me want to jump for joy and caused me to hold back tears.  I thought "Why are you holding yourself back?  You say that you don't use your blood disorder as an excuse but let's be honest, you do.  You tell yourself 'I'm a slow runner because of my blood disorder.'  You tell yourself that you can't get fit because of your blood disorder.  You tell yourself that you don't get asked out on dates because of your blood disorder.  You say you're shy and introverted because of your blood disorder.  You tell yourself that you're a control freak and you get anxious because of your blood disorder.  And sometimes it's not even that you're using the blood disorder as an excuse, you just look at the world negatively and it's holding you back.  You tell yourself you can't.  You tell yourself it's too late to change.  It's not to late to change.  You're still young.  Tell yourself that you can.  Stop using excuses.  Think positively.  You're holding yourself back."

All those thoughts raced through my mind in an instant and I knew they were true.
And I knew that I needed to change.
No more excuses.

In the title of this blog post I used the word awkward.  But awkward could easily be replace with the words liberating, terrifying, or "no-duh!".  Because it's a freeing moment.  It's a moment when you know that you're accountable for your agency.  And it's a moment when you know that you knew all of this information all along.  Now the problem is motivating, disciplining, and controlling myself to reach those goals.  It's going to be an uphill battle.  I'm going to fall sometimes.  I'm going to have to learn to forgive myself when I make mistakes.  But I can do this.

New Favorite!

I recently found a new obsession and his name is Alex Goot.  He's a new musician and I love all of his stuff: covers, originals, everything.  This video isn't a very good video of him, he's actually much more good looking.  Seriously. Gorgeous.  But this is my favorite song of his.  It's been on repeat on my grooveshark for a week or so now.  Enjoy!  :)

Life Lately

This guy showed up at my ward on Sunday.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks

Yeah. The moment that I walked into Sunday School and looked over and saw him sitting on the back row I was shocked.  One of the craziest/coolest moments of my life. Elder Oaks has always been one of my favorites.  I feel like I'm so blessed, because not only know that there are prophets and apostles on the earth today, but one came to my ward, my Sunday school class which is something most people, even people not of my faith but who still believe that there were prophets at one time in the world, could only dream about. Elder Oaks didn't say much, but I learned so much watching and observing his example.  His actions spoke volumes. 

Later that day this guy came to the institute to give a fireside.

Elder L. Tom Perry

Seriously, two apostles in one day?!?!  How cool is that?  My roommates and I got to the fireside two hours early and sat on the 4th row right in the middle.  Elder Perry is so funny and the fireside was also very inspiring.

I have been busier the past two days then I have been the whole rest of the semester so far.  And I have a feeling this break neck speed is going to continue.  Writing final paper topics, FHE, final preparations to start volunteering up at Primary Children's, housing stuff, finishing up a project/presentation, studying for midterms, job training, doctors appointments, academic advising, scholarships, and working on other homework have kept me busy the past two days. Two of the guys I'm going to be working with look like certain stars.

Buddy Holly

Matthew Lawrence aka Jack Hunter from one of my all time favorite TV shows "Boy Meets World".

Awesome right? And going to my academic advising I realized that it's not too long until I'll be graduated and thrown out into the real world.  Crazy!

Basically, life's good.  

That's all folks.